What You choose is choosing You.

This is something very dear to me, and I feel ready to share it with you now.
Here it is – the secret of peace, coming from a modern Yogi, a cosmic cookie serving her time on planet Earth, navigating through all the storms of life that any truth-seeker or freedom-lover has to experience here. I have drunk the bitter medicine of life (honestly, I prefer the taste of Chocolate!)
Have it and use it. Save your precious Self from all the troubles that are hardly ever real and never yours anyway. You know who you are and who you are becoming. Right? I thought so.

Why do I think that I have the secret? I struggled for years. I was a prisoner of fear, of conditioning and someone else’s lies. I was a hostage of the unconscious for long enough to learn its twisted ways. I played the victim role too well.
I saw a shooting star when i was 7 and wished for my mother to become kind, like some kids would ask for a puppy. Badly beaten until 15, thrown out of school and University, bullied and yelled at….. all because I spoke my truth, refusing to fit the mold, I came to know the non-truth, not by choice, but by the higher will. I grew up in a communist country where a big shiny car could pull over any time and take a person from our building, while we are all silently-and-shakingly watching, picking through the spooky flowers on our curtains.
Fear used to be a norm.
A misfit, a challenge, a trouble-maker who changes everything around just by being! Sounds familiar? Then read on, beloved!
Secret #1 – Not everything we experience here is created by us consciously. Things are far more complex than that. We come here with a purpose and sometimes cosmic debts we must pay. It is what it is! We can choose how to live it all out though.

I also could not speak for a long time. I guess I was in such shock of the state of this planet that I was quiet for much longer than most little people are…. processing and figuring out. “Huh, cosmic little cookie, navigate though that!”
It is only now, when I am older and wiser (just a little!)…. I know that speaking on this planet is not such a great thing anyway. 🙂 I would take a meaningful silence over any words… at any given moment! I write my truth because it allows me to filter it and polish it, I give myself a chance to see where I am still trapped in a lie.

Did you notice how speaking our Truth gets us in trouble? Isn’t that fun? People get challenged by the choices we make and the words we say, even when we speak it kindly. I mean, how often do we want to send a message out – “Why do I bother you so much? I am just me, happy little me, doing what I am doing, smiling and shining, living my life as I know it. Sorry if I don’t fit into your idea of a human life. You don’t fit into mine either, but somehow it does not bother me.” My grandma used to say “Show me your choices, and I tell you who you are!”
Secret #2 – Our amusing planet is full of noise, full of words, full of sounds…….. and not all of them are true 🙂 You probably figured that out by now. Unless we tune into what is real, we are fooled and trapped in empty illusion, full of noise, pretending to be true. As one of the most wicked books I ever read put it “Listen. The sound around you belongs to thousands of lairs.”

We want to feel peace and we do all we can to get it. We might think it is something else we are after, but it is just another lie that we successfully convinced our Self in.

We travel to far-far-away places just to get peace. We sell everything we have and we go to an ashram in India; we put our bodies through astonishing physical challenges, we climb mountains and jump of the cliffs; we take drugs and experiment with psychedelics; we take courses; we book healing sessions….. we go for yoga classes, we dive into our passions, we try all that we know of. We often sell our souls to get paid so we can have a home and food to eat, buy stuff we want. You know that sense of security that we are looking for in our insurances and marriages, pensions and mortgages, all the mind crap that sounds so alluring but tricks us every time. Somehow we never get there. It never works, as we long for inner freedom that can never be bought…. never be found….. never be chased. Like Truth, it can only be chosen. So we quit the freaking jobs and embark upon a challenging journey – finding peace for our confused and tired Self. Throughout entire life……. we just never stop searching for that one little feeling that changes EVERYTHING. Peace! Many of us don’t stop trying until we find it!

Where the f@& is it? Someone, tell us, point the direction and we will all go there and bring all the noise with us! 🙂
Here is the formula, my angel. It is much easier than any of us knew. Do not think for a second that I am cleverer than you are. I had to go through zillions of challenges and fight thousands of demons to find it.
I had to be sick, abused, broke, hopeless, dark, sick again, stalked, broken (spiritually), fired, angry and raging, weak and scared… and on my knees. I fought and rebelled all that I could, until I ran out of “self”. When all that failed, I sobbed on the floor like a child, praying and begging mama Universe to speak to me, to show me the way…… and I meant it. She kindly looked at her stubborn human child, mind-clouded, heart-broken, tricked-and-trapped, finally choosing peace, longing for it with every cell of her being.
None of this experience is worth of anything if I cannot share it with You, the other cosmic cookie learning to be a Human.
I did it all so you don’t have to.
Be wise! Choose well!

Secret #3 – Top Secret! Your peace is YOU. You are IT!. You are the portal of everything you ever wished for. You are the switch on your reality screen….. You are your own secret!!! “How am I a secret?”- I hear you ask.
This is how!
Right this moment you are standing in front of a big reality screen, this reality is your life as you know it. You navigate through it by the choices that you make, whether you know it or not, breath by breath, moment by moment. This very moment contains zillions and trillions of possibilities of You, of how you can experience your “Self”. You and You only have the remote control. Press the right buttons angel. Take control of your choices. Start with your thoughts. Be clever with those ‘little buggers’, some of them are very stubborn and really good at pretending to be yours. This is your ride, this is your trip, and this is your story.
What to do now?
1- Please take a deep breath in, close your eyes and start listening to the sound of your heart beat, the only sound you can trust. This is your guide, this is your compass.
2- Watch your (?) thoughts storming through your mind and choose the ones you want to be True. Dismiss the rest; they are only noise trying to be real.
3- Choose CONSCIOUSLY what you want to focus on, to embrace, what you want to feel. One of the wisest cosmic cookie on Earth, Rumi, put it simply – “What you seek is seeking you.” By choosing it, you are making a bridge!
Watch! Observe! Make choices! “Build bridges”. Be clear on whom you are becoming… and leave the rest to mama Universe! She is awesome; all she cares about is your peace and your truth. Now you do it too, beloved!

Truly yours,
Anna. Teacher/Writer/Dreamer
http://www.yogaofchange.com

Handle with Care. Confession of one Human.

Sometimes life hugs us so tight, that it gets the best out of us.

Lately I got so squeezed by the grip of life that even my ‘tough Russian cookie’ Self crumbled.
A part of me likes to be independent and self-sufficient and have a kind of “I need no one” attitude…..

I am a cool duddess, I am a Power House. I am a Sparkle of Consciousness learning to be a human being. I am also a  teacher, a dreamer, and a writer. I overcome my own obstacles, I make decisions and take responsibilities for them, I deal with my humanness, and all that comes with it. I don’t like bothering others with my sh.t, I know we all have stuff to breathe through. I only want to have a good time with others. I always wanted to be a person to have fun with, to have the best time and best giggles with. I wanted to be in the ‘Joy Department’…. Always.  I often make it there. But, hell, those trips in between are real pain in the butt! Maybe that is why I am so much fun when I make it there, because I know how shitty it is in all the  other departments.
The longer I live, the more I learn not to be so damn proud and find the courage to be authentic and to be real.

Life is not always sunshine. ‘Joy Department’ is not all there is. Some experiences kick us in the face (or balls ) and leave us breathless. I am sure you got your own glance of that. It is how we handle it, right?
My short version of why I am so overwhelmed looks like this.

I live with auto- immune disorder since 14, I chose to handle it on my own, no doctors, thank you. I cannot eat what most people eat, I have to prepare almost each meal,  hunting my super foods, so I know my body gets “real medicine”. I have learned to  have fun with it, no complains here. Hey, i  make the best Raw Chocolate because of that. I get sick easily if I don’t follow my strict discipline. Taking care of my health is freaking full-time job. On top of that I had to “delete” all the bloody (literally) pictures of my childhood, not even to mention the disturbing experience of an expensive, forced-to-extend surgery to fix my broken nose, so I could breathe…… I got a “welcome to human life” gift from childhood that sits on my face.
I made it to the point where I just love it all, but don’t start me on the work behind it.  I was diagnosed with so many different disorders throughout my life that my head spins even trying to recall it. I work on myself relentlessly, I  keep finding new ways to self-heal again and again, navigating through the bullshit of this world: the ways of a cold-hearted system and the health wrecking stuff that is called our “food”… In between all that, I run around, pretending  to be normal, inspiring others how to be the best they can be and to find their own ways to navigate to  ‘Joy Department’.

A few years ago i had this shocking experience of having a person after me for the whole year, wanting to destroy me, because I refused to be what his mind wanted me to be. I think it is called obsession. Never ending death-threats and non-numan cruelty towards another human being is not something i would wish  even to Hitler himself. Oh, that was a tough one, surely it  was tougher than  my “tough cookie” wants to admit. May his Soul rest in peace, he took his life and I am no one to judge it.

I choose not to dwell on whether i created these experiences, consciously or unconsciously.

All I want to know, as a human being, is how I can learn to navigate through this overwhelming, ever-demanding experience called life. “Whoah, so much for one little girl” – I think to my lovely Self at times. Do I feel sorry for myself? Sometimes I do, but mostly, it is Compassion that I feel. Compassion for this weird thing called a Human Life. Perhaps that is why I have lots of it to offer to others.
So I looked for the ways to be and make it easier for myself. I took Self-Love classes, “Pull-Your-Gig-Together” courses, I had angelic healers, galactic doctors working on me. EFT, HLP, Kinesiology, Family Constellations, Shamanic Energy Work, you name it…. I had it. I was silent for 11 days and i had nothing but sun light for 21 days, it is called sunyoga, not to mention numerous detoxes and some super advanced lamps shining into my third eye. I meditate and do yoga for years to keep me sane and, guess what….. I still crumble. I am a Human. Fragile, sweet Human, just like the rest of us here.

I decided to look deeper into this subject. I took myself on an Honesty trip. I asked a serious question and i got a good answer. I saw the inner Truth of what I call “me”. My “tough cookie” Self got tired. I just want to feel loved and supported, that is all. I know, you feel it too. Not by one or two loyal friends, we want to feel loved by the world. Don’t we? We want to live in Harmony with  each other. I know one thing for sure, when we are giving and loving, when we are present to each others needs and life experiences, we need no therapies, no healing is needed. Just being loved is healing enough.

Just our loving support, kind understanding is enough to make people feel recharged and inspired again. Did you know that?
Living in the messed up world where authenticity and vulnerability are still not as accepted as rigidity and coldness really sucks. It has to change…..  This is my decision for my life. I got over my pride and my independent ‘tough cookie’ attitude and i started asking people to be kind to me.
When i see people pushing or forcing, or being insensitive and unaware around me, I take a deep breath, find the courage hiding somewhere in the unloved, neglected corner of myself, and I say “PLEASE, HANDLE ME WITH CARE. I AM FRAGILE. I AM A HUMAN. I am struggling, I am overwhelmed, I need all the love and all the support that I can get. If you cannot give it, I understand, but please don’t add to my overflowing cup.”
I am astonished at the results of this simple authenticity act. People are so much more Human than they are allowed to be.
I guess, they were right there “Ask and you shall receive”. I am glad I got over that damn pride. I thought i would share this in case it helps  you  to see what is it that you need. What kind of world do you want around you? What changes have you got to make? Remember, it all starts from the Self,

Truly yours,

ps.if you follow me here, please note that my blog is moving to yogaofchange.com

To Be Loved and Adored. How and Why?

   

     Did you notice that some people are really fun to be around?

We really like hanging out with them and we just do not seem to get enough of their vibe.

      Life feels much more bearable and better when we are near people like that. It is like, all of a sudden there is a hope that things are going to turn out just fine and this messed up world seems not such a bad place, after all. These people are always happy and kind, they are always calm and they have this special twinkle in their eyes…. Oh, that little sparkly twinkle is so irresistible and charming that it is almost addictive. “What are you on? Give me some of that!”

      The best thing about those people is that we can share our darkest secrets and the most embarrassing f**k ups we managed in our lives, we can really loose it around them, and they just keep loving us and keep smiling and just keep twinkling and shining.

  It is as if they are saying: “So what? Life is beautiful anyway. Loving and shining is so much fun, that I don’t really have the time to judge anyone or react to bullshit. I have better things to focus on.”

 Nothing has the power to rob them off their Light or to stop them from having a good time.

 Here is the thing, darling.You can be one of those people. Yes, YOU. Why not?

 Do you have anything better to do with your life?

What is better than to be loved by people, to have authentic good friends, to be adored by someone absolutely outrageously awesome?

What is better than to feel a-ma-zing about being You?

Do you think that judging and gossiping, labeling and non-loving, feeling angry and miserable (the last two usually come with the first few) is a better choice of how to experience yourself as a decent human being?  If you do, than please stop reading right now and go engage in some low vibrational activity.  Feed the unconscious, play ‘I-am-the-life-expert, I-just-did-not-figure-out-yet-why-I-am-so-damn-miserable’ game.  Let’s see if I care. It is your Life, Your choices. Go!

 So, you stayed then, you keep reading. Good for you.  I get excited when I watch people change their choices, change their lives.

  Let’s drop the bullshit now and get really honest and curious. It does take courage to be honest, you know. Who needs more cowards? This world needs heroes! It needs those who dare to live, who dare to stand up for what they believe in. This world needs to rise its vibration and it is not going to do it without you, me, all of us. This world is us.

 A really good question to ask here is

HOW DOES IT SERVE US TO BE MEAN, TO JUDGE OTHERS, TO SAY UNKIND WORDS? HOW DOES IT SERVE ANYONE TO BE  LOW VIBRATIONAL AND UNCONSCIOUS?

      Did you ever think that knowing and experiencing someone for a few hours/days/years of their life does not actually give us any idea of who this person is? You know, very often we get to see the side of people that no one else does? Because we are meant to push each others buttons and resonate with each other in a very unique way. For some “unexplainable” reason we inspire the worst in some people and the best in other people. It takes two to tango, darling.

Did you ever look at the bigger picture of every relationship, every connection in your life and found the wisdom and clarity to see that we all have higher contracts with each other, or  “sacred agreements” as one beautiful teacher put it? There is nothing to say about it, there is a lot to learn from it though. It is just the way it is.

 Well, let’s skip going into that and find a shot cut to the high vibrational experience. It is always a good choice!

 Why stop judging? Why stop yelling? Why stop reacting to other people’s confusions and choices they make in their own lives? Why stop giving your power away? Why claim the right to be happy and balanced. Why be kind and loving? Why feel loved and adored? Why? Why?

To be happy, you silly.

To have people in your life who love you and adore you because you lifted them up with your loving, you made them feel accepted and included. You cared.

To feel really connected to others, to feel gratitude and awe.

 To have peace and harmony in your life.

 To have fun.

 To live an awesome life.

You can have all of that….. It is just not going to be delivered to you on a plate while you are sitting on your ‘I-know-it-all’ throne, finger-pointing. You have to make a few changes. Real change begins with you, darling.

Change your choices.. and you will change your life!

  So……… here are a few tips.

How to be Loved and Adored.

I guess, I do care after all.

–         – Make an effort to Change your attitude!  See it as changing your outfit.  Basically, I am saying here – Stop being an arrogant ass!  It does not serve the world, others or you.

–       –  Become curious about yourself, others and Life in general.

–         –Learn instead of judging. Listen instead of saying all those unnecessary words.

      –Allow others to be different to you. We are all unique; we are all a mystery, even to ourselves. Stay in awe of this magnificent experience called Life.

–Admit that you don’t know s..t about life. None of us does, angel. It is all one big mystery….. and we are all in it together.

       – Stay Humble!

–         –Stop failing at Love. Keep loving people as they are….. Do not stop loving them just because they did not fit around your life or molded themselves to suit your needs. That is not love, beloved. We do not owe anything to anyone.  We are all free Spirits, and Real Love shows us that – freedom!

– Work on yourself only. If you want to change something in your life, change yourself first.

-Remember that High Vibrational choices make High Vibrational people. High Vibrational people attract High Vibrational experiences and send amazing ripples all over the world. They are the ones with the real power, power to change the world.

 Thank you for hanging out here with me. The words come through me and for me, I know they come for many, and i enjoy sharing……  Now go and work on yourself, do something awesome that will change someone’s life and make this world a better place.

 Drop me a note when one morning you wake up and experience Yourself Loved and Adored.

Living with illness without drugs.

      If I can do it, so can You!

Who am I? I am a Russian-born girl with an attitude. I live with auto-immune disorder called lupus for 30 years. I don’t take steroids, never did and never will. I have lived in 10 countries so far. I am a Yoga/Meditation Teacher, founder and designer of lovelightyogabrand and rawisreal, I am a Reiki master, Raw Chocolatier, a traveler, a visionary and amongst many other things, I am a dreamer of a better World.  I am also dysleksic, I express myself in an ”unusual way” and I get lost between two streets. In short, It is great fun to be me!

Why am I writing this article? I have a dream. This world is full of wonder, joy, abundance and love. People are well, awake and live in harmony with each other and the Higher Truth. Right knowledge, wisdom and compassion are a norm. Old and young are having fun together, people connect from the heart and enjoy being with each other. Harmony is all there is. I was hiding this dream for a long time, I was afraid that this messed up world would laugh at me…. and now I simply do not care.   So many people in my life that I love are not well right now, and you should thank them, because they are the ones who inspired me to write this and share my story with you. Otherwise I would be hiding from the world for the rest of my life, keeping the secrets to myslef like many others did.

“Why me?”

If you are sick, unwell, or worse, you have just been diagnosed with something that has a scary name…. I am sure, you ask this question. I did. “Why me? What is wrong with me? I am not doing anything that others don’t…. They are OK, and look at me. Something must be terribly wrong with me.” I tell you right here and right now.

You have NOT done anything wrong, you are perfect! You are unique and beautiful like everyone else and you have a special Contract, and you better acknowledge it. Look at Nick Vujicic, no-arms-no-legs guy. You think he did something wrong to be born like that? Look at his amazing journey. What a Spirit!  Forget all the “Jesus talk”, I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea; it is irrelevant to the fact that he did it, he is happy! Don’t you think that is the only thing that matters?

Anyway, back to you. You are exactly where You are meant to be. The longer you question the rightness of it, the more time you waste.  This is what lives through You, period. There is a bigger reason for this happening, and the sooner you recognize it, the sooner you will start feeling happy again. Yes, I mean happy.

It is possible to have a sick body and be happy, to have no-legs-and-no-arms and be happy. It is possible to cure your self from any sickness and be happy, it is also possible to decide to die and be happy…. Possibilities are numerous. You get to decide.  We are done with “why me”, right?

“I need my medicine.”

Now, this is the most important thing you need to decide on.

When we are unwell from whatever, it means the entire human system is disturbed, it is out of order and we need medicine. Something has to be done. ABSOLUTELY! One thing to clarify though.  What do you call a medicine?

Some people call medicine pharmaceutical drugs, most people, I should say.  We get sick, we feel dis empowered, weak and trapped…. what do we do?   We run to doctors for a fix. In many cases it is the only way to fix the body, I agree. I tried once to self-heal a condition called typhus… with neem oil and fasting… I failed miserably, and I learned my lesson.

Many awake people I know call energy work a medicine, I know the word “energy” is still a kind of mystery to many people. It is time to wake up. This is 21 century. Everything is possible. We have numerous miraculous healing stories that took place. People change in the depth of their core just after one “medicinal session” that is right for them. Did you hear of a lady who wrote a book “Dyeing to be Me”? Go google it and get inspired!

Some wise people see their food as medicine…. Ah, that is a vast subject and I will not cover it here…. When i had a choice to use drugs or natural/naturopathic herbs, I had no doubt. I walked out of the lupus clinic saying “No“ to drugs and having Faith in the unknown. I use super foods and organic, clean foods for much longer than even I can remember.. and I  am happy to share  with  you how that works. So, decide what medicine you want to use, it is Your Choice, and you will be the one who lives with it.

Consider removing all the unnatural food substances from your diet.  It does require some research and time…. BUT. Don’t you think you feeling well is worth it?  See herbs and super foods as medicine, because that is exactly what they are. They are these wise edible vibrant substances that speak to our DNA, altering our entire human hologram on a very deep sub atomical level. Apologies for the language, I will keep is simple from here.  Use clean nutritious food, super foods and good water, find a natural doctor that you like. Stay  away from pharmaceuticals, if you are on them already, I suggest you stop slowly, respecting the fact that your body is used to them and  it needs time to readjust.

I will be writing more about lupus and choices that we can make and how I learned to live with it without any medical drugs, just conscious  choices on living with this contract….. simple really. My only intention is to inspire you and empower you to believe that you can conquer anything without hurting your cells and giving your power to someone else who does not really care about the quality of your life.

I will share more in my next blog.

With love. Anna

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/