What the fuck is this all about?… Shall we remember?

I always thought that my life was really hard.  Anyone else out there who is in the same boat with me? Let’s have a real conversation: no weather talk, no nonsense, no pretense and no spiritual bullshit…… You know, how we like to show only our strong side to the outer world hiding behind the mask of what we think we should be? Did you suffer in life? I bet you did.

I suffered a lot, and I got to experience a lot of pain. I was also deeply embarrassed about it. Secretly I always wondered “What the fuck is this all about? Am I such a bad person to deserve all this? Are others having the same human  roller coaster  ride?”

Why does  stuff  happen  to us?

Things happen to us so we can read into who we  really are  … I remember being a cute little girl (a while ago that was), sitting on my little bed, and what I see is this heavy  hard cover book flying  across the room right towards my face. Bash!  Explosion! It hit my nose and broke it. That is how I remembered that I was a human, I was made of flesh and blood, and now I had the full experience of it.  I never forgot the name of that book and the name of the innocent author was forever imprinted into my memory bank not  in a good way.  I remember   another experience – I was a teenager, hanging off the balcony, holding on to what I thought was the last moment of my life. I still hear the sound of my own voice “Mum, do not let me die.” My mum was so upset about something that she, forgetting herself (don’t you just find that expression interesting?) was throwing off the balcony her only child.  That is my current point of view.

………From the hanging point of view of where I was at that moment the world looked very different. The stars were blinking above my angry mother’s face; the quietness of the moment was loud enough for me to hear my own heartbeat. I felt that eternity was out there… always ready to open its arms to catch me. That is how I remembered for the first time that there was another home out there, the real home. I just suddenly knew it. There is a place, a glorious place out there that has none of this pain. It is just pure and luminous, and that is where I came from. That is where we all came from.

30 years later, after the “balcony moment”, and after many other special moments in life, I woke up one morning from some great dream and I remembered.  All of a sudden I knew why was all this suffering, why was all this pain.

I had this dream, I am sure you had one of those too, that leaves you with a new feeling of being you. It is like as if your heart knows. In my dream I was walking the streets of this planet, our planet,  marveling at everything around: trees, clouds, people, even roads, shops and traffics. Everything was new and exciting. Everything was inviting to be explored and to be loved. I was experiencing myself with a great sense of curiosity and awe.  “Wow! That is how it feels to be a human!”

It suddenly dawned upon me, that where we came from, we have none of this: no emotions, no feelings, nothing to identify with, nothing to learn, nothing to lose  or get upset about, nothing  to do… nothing to be…. nothing… nothing… NOTHING.

And here, we have it all – stars and clouds to watch, flowers to smell,  friends to hug, faces to love, to touch; emotions to own and feelings to feel.  It is so bloody entertaining (literally, as some of us know).

In this dream I saw this unfamiliar creature, kind of Avatar looking, and seriously enormous. You watched the movie, you know. I remember   the fear that I felt at first. I was afraid. I got scared of this sudden appearance of totally new and unknown energy. Many “what ifs” were loudly driving through my ever busy head. While all this noise was happening, I noticed a big smile that  my Avatar friend had… Unknown was approaching me with a smile.  I was beginning to notice what a graceful magnificent creature he was!! Fear turned into curiosity. I just stood there, waiting for what was about to happen. I felt curiously open and almost excited. I was looking forward to connect with the uncertainty, I was longing to lock eyes with the unknown and have a new experience. It was something new to identify with, to play with, to learn from.

I will have new experiences in life, and so will you.

It is just the way it is. Why should we limit ourselves to only what is already known? Same people… Same feelings…. Same range of emotions…Same places…Same chair…Same conversations…. Your boyfriend /girlfriend left you, so what? Get excited! Someone new, sensitive and awesome might be just on the way to hold you and make you  laugh like you never thought you could. You lost your job and worry about paying bills. So what? Pack up your bag and go someplace where you can afford to be, you just might find yourself really happy sitting somewhere on the beach under the twinkling stars, playing guitar with not a worry in the world.  You got sick and now wonder where you go from here. Look at your life from another perspective, revaluate your goals and priorities and decide how you want to experience yourself through this. Even if you do not know how to be and what to do, there is a way to feel good  about it.

We get trapped and heart broken, we get disappointed and depressed. We wonder why this is happening to us. We think that others hurt us and we close our hearts and lose faith. Here is what we forgot – No one hurt us really – we use others to hurt ourselves so we wake up and get a grip on the bigger picture of ourselves. Yogis figured that out ages ago. You, yes you….   Just for today, marvel at everything that happens to you, see it as just another experience that you wanted to have to entertain yourself. It is more fun that way. In case you think “What the heck is she talking about? She is not the one who is sick/broke/heartbroken/hopeless/ jobless/challenged.” I tell you this – I have been all of those things and I am still here, yogaing around the world, navigating through what is called Life with  smile on my face.  Move though the day as if you have chosen it that way.

Embrace it all: difficult people, who forgot it all and act like total assholes (no offence to real assholes, I can be that too), situations that make us feel like we have no power, health issues that disturb our mental balance and make us wonder “why me”…. whatever. Embrace it all and remember to choose how you want to feel.

Take a deep breath and get curious about the next moment that is about to take place. Smile in the mirror and stay open. Your bigger version of yourself already knows that all is fine. It is just another experience to marvel at. Another moment of a mysterious journey called Life. Open your arms and your heart and let it happen.

Do you want to know what happened next when my new Avatar friend came really close?

I remember the smile, so warm and kind that I immediately felt at ease, he was a friend (a bit odd-looking, but a friend nevertheless) . I could not help but being friendly too; I put my hand out to touch his face as he was leaning closer. I marveled at the uniqueness of his features and felt his warm skin. He closed his eyes as if to savor the moment, took my other hand and gently placed it on the other side of his face. I held this big blue smiling face between my hands wide apart and marveled at the experience. We stood there,  me and my unknown, sharing the same reality, called now.

I woke up and that is how I remembered very clearly that we are here just to collect experiences, like some collect stamps or cars. Whatever we are going through is just another experience, yet another entertainment for our Soul. We get messy and angry, we hide and cry, we get stuck on  some things  and get trapped in  reactions, we do things that we are not proud of…. And often  we are afraid. We forgot that everything that happens to us is just another picture that our “inner camera” takes. We can hide from it, run from it, reject it and not like it, but it is what it is.

Whatever it is that you are going through right now, beloved friend, dive in with both hands, both legs and full heart. Go for it! Find the courage to just be where life took you. Every new experience is just another friend wanting to connect and be a part of this fascinating journey that we call life … And let’s not forget, it will not last forever. A bunch of decades is all that we have here.  At the end of the human journey we will not even remember what that pain and suffering was all about. We will be home….

Ah, so clever I am when I remember… Let’s see now how quickly I will forget this and get trapped again in yet another human experience of myself…

An open letter to modern Yogis. Yogi-to-Yogi talk.

         Dear Modern Yogis,

          Lets get Real now and have a serious conversation on where we go from here.
       No standing on our heads or having long hamstrings is going to make this world a better place. It is truly wonderful that we chose to engage in this fascinating science and keep our bodies fit and balanced. But is it enough? Is losing weight, looking hot in our yoga outfits, and touching our toes what Yoga is really about? What about our minds, or our hearts? Are they bending and opening up as much?

     Are we becoming more beautiful on the inside? Are we working on our mental flexibility to see the perfection in what we do not understand? Are we learning to embrace the challenges of-the-yoga-mat-life and truly becoming a healing presence in this world? Or… we just keep pushing our mental way through life, hurting others by our resistance to become conscious and get real, while intellectualizing about spirituality and Yoga?

        Yoga is about finding our way to Harmony within ourselves, with everything and everyone around. We do not need to own a yoga mat or sing OM to be a yogi, and we certainly do not need to  use our flexible and awesome-looking bodies to make others feel limited and small. Let us  arise above the body.

       All we need is the deep seated desire in our hearts to connect to everything and everyone around in a new, harmonious way. We must learn to love each other, through all our differences…. especially those who challenge our  “love muscle”.

      Yoga is about finding the courage to challenge our limited self! Yoga is a call to freedom from the mental trap.

      Yoga is about learning to see everything on the outside as an invitation to grow and expand on the inside. If we take our yoga practice a little deeper than picking a sexy yoga outfit and working on our Trikonasana, we will know and feel the  deeper truth. There is nothing wrong with choosing a great yoga outfit, as long as we choose as careful our attitude with it. Let us choose kindness. Let us choose love.

        Let us find our way to the space within that allows us to become a silent observer, a kind Lover of all things!!! We must learn to navigate through all the challenges and mental traps to see the Truth, that has been hidden underneath those thoughts, attitudes, opinions, likes and dislikes… and all the crap that we are so used to identify with.

      We are parts of ONE, same heart beats are pulsating in harmony all around this messed up but somehow beautiful world! Who cares about how different our choices are on the experience of being a human being. I am just another You… and you are another version of Me. “In Lakesh” as Maya say.

      Let us work on being real Yogis. Let us engage with the world around as if it was the only home…  We forgot that it is.

      Let us connect to others as if they were our sisters and brothers that we care about. We forgot, that is who they are.  Let us work on our perception and our own awareness.  It is the Self that is the switch to the Transformation. Lets press that button.

     Let others walk their paths honoring and respecting their own pace. Let us do the yoga with our minds and our hearts, so we can assist those who are still looking for their ways! Let us help each other feel that we are parts of One Harmonious Cosmic Orchestra… playing at all times… even for those who do not wish to hear it. Let us feel Loved. Let us unite and than we can say that we practice Yoga.

Shared in a spirit of Love and Compassion.

Choose the world you want to live in.

Or, why do we need one another?

Observing what is taking place within and without, i see a lot of disharmony around. No wonder i wanted to stay locked in my own little bubble. We are not happy. People are loosing jobs, friends, health; many   are getting sick whether it is mentally  physically or spiritually….

Pain is pain……. and we are all in it together.

Being a Human at times like this is simply heroic. We are been poisoned by chemical bombs that are called food, we are bombarded by the superficial; it became hard for us to know who we really are underneath those negative thoughts and angry voices in our heads. And we are not kind…. Neither towards ourselves, no to others.

If we walk through life, remembering each day that others are just like us, going through their own pain, doing all they can.. Never mind they make different choices or push our buttons, never mind they have different opinions and express themselves the way we would never do.

Never mind anybody’s mind!

We are just reflections of each others unknown depth.

   We can choose to give a piece of love from our heart as an offering to another Human journey, even if we don’t walk the same direction. You, being kind and patient, acting on loving thoughts, can change someones life today… and contribute to loving kindness that we all need right now.

                                           

Choose to Love others. If you dont manage, as someone challenges your love muscle too much,  send compassion and let them be. Avoid saying anything unkind to others simply because you ran out of patience with yourself. Be kind  to yourself too. Human race is fragile right now, we want to be loved and believed in. We want to be surrounded by kind and loving friends, we want to create a world of Harmony and Truth. What world do you want to create? Make a choice!

Living with illness without drugs.

      If I can do it, so can You!

Who am I? I am a Russian-born girl with an attitude. I live with auto-immune disorder called lupus for 30 years. I don’t take steroids, never did and never will. I have lived in 10 countries so far. I am a Yoga/Meditation Teacher, founder and designer of lovelightyogabrand and rawisreal, I am a Reiki master, Raw Chocolatier, a traveler, a visionary and amongst many other things, I am a dreamer of a better World.  I am also dysleksic, I express myself in an ”unusual way” and I get lost between two streets. In short, It is great fun to be me!

Why am I writing this article? I have a dream. This world is full of wonder, joy, abundance and love. People are well, awake and live in harmony with each other and the Higher Truth. Right knowledge, wisdom and compassion are a norm. Old and young are having fun together, people connect from the heart and enjoy being with each other. Harmony is all there is. I was hiding this dream for a long time, I was afraid that this messed up world would laugh at me…. and now I simply do not care.   So many people in my life that I love are not well right now, and you should thank them, because they are the ones who inspired me to write this and share my story with you. Otherwise I would be hiding from the world for the rest of my life, keeping the secrets to myslef like many others did.

“Why me?”

If you are sick, unwell, or worse, you have just been diagnosed with something that has a scary name…. I am sure, you ask this question. I did. “Why me? What is wrong with me? I am not doing anything that others don’t…. They are OK, and look at me. Something must be terribly wrong with me.” I tell you right here and right now.

You have NOT done anything wrong, you are perfect! You are unique and beautiful like everyone else and you have a special Contract, and you better acknowledge it. Look at Nick Vujicic, no-arms-no-legs guy. You think he did something wrong to be born like that? Look at his amazing journey. What a Spirit!  Forget all the “Jesus talk”, I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea; it is irrelevant to the fact that he did it, he is happy! Don’t you think that is the only thing that matters?

Anyway, back to you. You are exactly where You are meant to be. The longer you question the rightness of it, the more time you waste.  This is what lives through You, period. There is a bigger reason for this happening, and the sooner you recognize it, the sooner you will start feeling happy again. Yes, I mean happy.

It is possible to have a sick body and be happy, to have no-legs-and-no-arms and be happy. It is possible to cure your self from any sickness and be happy, it is also possible to decide to die and be happy…. Possibilities are numerous. You get to decide.  We are done with “why me”, right?

“I need my medicine.”

Now, this is the most important thing you need to decide on.

When we are unwell from whatever, it means the entire human system is disturbed, it is out of order and we need medicine. Something has to be done. ABSOLUTELY! One thing to clarify though.  What do you call a medicine?

Some people call medicine pharmaceutical drugs, most people, I should say.  We get sick, we feel dis empowered, weak and trapped…. what do we do?   We run to doctors for a fix. In many cases it is the only way to fix the body, I agree. I tried once to self-heal a condition called typhus… with neem oil and fasting… I failed miserably, and I learned my lesson.

Many awake people I know call energy work a medicine, I know the word “energy” is still a kind of mystery to many people. It is time to wake up. This is 21 century. Everything is possible. We have numerous miraculous healing stories that took place. People change in the depth of their core just after one “medicinal session” that is right for them. Did you hear of a lady who wrote a book “Dyeing to be Me”? Go google it and get inspired!

Some wise people see their food as medicine…. Ah, that is a vast subject and I will not cover it here…. When i had a choice to use drugs or natural/naturopathic herbs, I had no doubt. I walked out of the lupus clinic saying “No“ to drugs and having Faith in the unknown. I use super foods and organic, clean foods for much longer than even I can remember.. and I  am happy to share  with  you how that works. So, decide what medicine you want to use, it is Your Choice, and you will be the one who lives with it.

Consider removing all the unnatural food substances from your diet.  It does require some research and time…. BUT. Don’t you think you feeling well is worth it?  See herbs and super foods as medicine, because that is exactly what they are. They are these wise edible vibrant substances that speak to our DNA, altering our entire human hologram on a very deep sub atomical level. Apologies for the language, I will keep is simple from here.  Use clean nutritious food, super foods and good water, find a natural doctor that you like. Stay  away from pharmaceuticals, if you are on them already, I suggest you stop slowly, respecting the fact that your body is used to them and  it needs time to readjust.

I will be writing more about lupus and choices that we can make and how I learned to live with it without any medical drugs, just conscious  choices on living with this contract….. simple really. My only intention is to inspire you and empower you to believe that you can conquer anything without hurting your cells and giving your power to someone else who does not really care about the quality of your life.

I will share more in my next blog.

With love. Anna

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

How to hear your calling….. and get a grip.

Someone said: “It takes courage to be yourself in a World that is constantly trying to turn You into someone else.” Do You hear the message? How many of us live our lives as ourselves?

You see, it is very simple, we have to follow what calls for us. It is our contract, it is our responsibility to receive the call from the Higher Self (or whatever you want to call it) and act upon it. No judgment, no filtering, no mind bs. Every one of us has a unique calling.
15 years ago while living in  the UK as a seemingly happy glamor girl, i heard the calling and decided to accept it. I put my flat on the market and started packing. My London friends thought i totally lost it. Who would be leaving a life of a “movie star – men, flowers and money” to go to “unclean, less developed parts of the world” to do some weird stuff called Yoga? Why would we leave safety and certainty for something unknown and unexplored. It is kind if scary, isn’t it? Yes, it is… a little.

Yoga saved my ass. What seemed successful and happy on the outside in reality was deeply unhappy, empty and broken on the inside. Health issues, depressions, feelings of being trapped and hopeless is something we are all familiar with. What to do about it?

First, we have to stop and  get a grip on ourselves. Listen. Listen to that loud noise in  your head, that mind movie that has been playing in there……. like forever. Do you like what you hear? If yes, wonderful, have fun with it. No? Then change the record. How? Switch the focus. Listen to the sound  of your breath instead, just for a few moments. You have no idea what this simple trick does to us, and i am not going to tell you. Then, have a real conversation with Yourself. I mean, seriously, drop the weather talk and “I am fine” crap. Be honest! Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down with a pen  and paper and write  down everything that makes you unhappy right now. Let all those hidden desires  reveal themselves. Let them out. Once you got clarity on where in life you actually are right now, make a decision to  hear your calling!

Very simple:

Get quiet! Gain clarity! Let Yourself happen!

When i did that 15 years ago for the first time, my life changed forever. No high street-shopping, no champagne-drinking, no city boys dating could stop me from taking that step. It felt like a strong urge, it felt like the only thing that I was supposed to do. I didn’t care about what anyone thought or said. I just knew I had to follow the calling.

Fuck Yoga if it is not your calling. All the shanti-shmanti, om singing and body pretzel-ing is not everybody’s cup of tea. No time to waste here. Hear Your Calling. If  you feel right now that there is a part of you that is unhappy, empty and broken inside, start  acting before it gets worse.

I truly feel in the depth of my heart that if we fight for our own happiness and stop fearing  the unknown, we will get our power back… and we will create much better lives for ourselves. You know where that leads, right? A world full of happy and fulfilled people, doing their thing, smiling at each other. Well, I am a dreamer, i like that about me.

What is calling You? How loud is it? Find it, hear it, honor it and follow it. Get your power back and start rocking. Later on in life You will know why you had to face all those fears and get a grip on your self…… and you will never look back….