Befriending Anger. How and Why

558284_331531390269034_1510116088_nSooner or later we all get to meet Mr Anger.

It is a part of the magical emotional kaleidoscope that comes with a package of being a human being. What makes this inevitable, yet powerful emotion so attractive is that we can transform it into something positive and sacred. Can we do that? Is that really so? Oh, yes. It can be recycled and turned into something we all could have more of – Strength.
If you are a really busy bee and have no time to read the entire article, yet feel intrigued by the tittle, here are the outlines for you:
How to make friends with anger:
– Once visited by it, say ‘Hello’ and sit with it. Be nice to it. Do not run or turn away from it. It never worked for any of us.
– Wrap your arms around it (you are already wrapped by it) and feel… feel… feel.
– Stay one-on-one with this honorable guest until you acknowledge the fact that you are angry. Start processing as soon as possible. Involving innocent others, or worse, making them a target of our unprocessed anger is not a graceful way to be. Yes, this requires a lot of awareness, but so is being a human being.
– Give yourself some time and space. Talk to yourself. Record or video yourself if you have to. Listen to what is playing on the inside. Screaming and hitting something soft (like a big pillow) works miracles too. Let me know if you made a video of that, I want to see it.
– Be Honest about being angry, with yourself and others. Honesty is the most powerful healing any of us can have or offer to each other. Honesty might save you from getting sick and having bad taste in your mouth. Swallowed anger will give you that, plus terrible emotional indigestion. People with unprocessed anger are ‘leaking’ their energy all the time and they are serious pain-in-the-butt. I would know, I used to be one of them.
– After you processed it and acknowledged it, tamed it so to speak….. talk about it. Share your experience with someone who loves you, tell them your anger story and watch if there is still an emotional charge to it. If there is…. tell it again…. and again…. and again……until you can speak about it without any feeling at all. Same friend or a different one each time, does not matter, as long as they are happy to assist. This way we stop identifying with it and become free.
– Make peace with your Self! Allow no judgment. There is a little Hitler in all of us who have not done the work. The sooner we hug that unloved bugger, the sooner we will all heal.
– Once you make friends with your own expression of anger, there will be less of it in the world. Each of us is a mini Universe, walking around affecting our consciousness grid more than we realize. Every time we clean our emotional debris we bring more light to this world. Every little self-victory makes a big impact on our Universe. So, here you are, beautiful human being doing the work.
– Love yourself enough to choose to channel love, compassion and kindness. Human gene is the only thing worth fighting for.

My anger story for you.
Now, allow me to share with you one of my most outrageous anger attacks I have ever had the privilege to experience, and how I dealt with it.

There is also a bigger reason why I am so keen to share this unflattering experience of me.
The deeper truth is – I am another you and you are another me. We are different versions of the same Spirit, same Humanness, so to speak. The Mayans had a word for it – InLakesh. They would lovingly put their hands together (‘namaste’) and say InLakesh (In Lak’ech) to greet each other.
So, InLakesh beloved. Let me mirror you and connect to you on some invisible subatomical level, let me encourage you to look deeper within yourself and face what you have got there. We are in this together, sparkles of light moving through space and time, cooking in the same steamy, spicy human soup.
I was on the phone when anger visited me. I felt I was right and the guy on the other side was wronger than the wrong itself. I was expressing the truth as I knew it, speaking loud and clear. My passionate nature was showing its full bloom. My blood was boiling. I heard my own voice rising higher and getting stronger, I could hear my heart beating fast.
I heard powerful judgments that kept pouring out of me as if I was someone else. I felt I am being tied up by some invisible wires. I resisted that feeling, and the more I resisted the angrier I felt. There was a part of me that felt really entitled to this rising rage. From my perspective at that time I was fighting for a good cause: I was standing up for my human fellows, for friends and families who needed our help and attention. I was fighting for justice and truth. The guy had a different perspective, he wanted to be handsomely paid for demonstrating his Human gene and was not willing to help just for the sake of love. That is where I lost it.
As it became clear to me later on, it was that feeling of entitlement that was firing me up each breath I took, each word I spoke. While passionately speaking about the state of our world to seemingly cold and uninvolved person who was on the other side of my innocent Lenovo … suddenly I felt there was no me in me any longer. This raging energy wiped me out, and I felt like I was becoming someone else. It became deeply uncomfortable and did not feel right at all. Here I was – removed, better say kicked out, from the very peace that I was fighting for.
One of my favorite minds George Carlin said – “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
Unfortunately for us, human species, our intellectual knowledge has very little to do with our emotional intelligence. We know a lot of good stuff, yet we remember none of it in moments when we need it most.
The anger attack did not stop once I hang up the phone. I was consumed for days, raging just about everything that went wrong in the world we live in. None of the comforting words kindly offered by my loving friends did any good. I was in the process of recycling. It was my work and mine only.
I was spiraling down in every way, every day. My heart began to hurt physically. I reached a place called ‘dead end.’ There was nowhere to go from there. Pain, bitterness and despair were waving at me as if we were buddies. I might have not had much clarity at that point, but I knew I wanted to have different kind of friends.
Deciding to be Free.
I told myself – Yes, I feel angry. Yes, I got really out of control. I accept that. I am a human being who has the right to have negative response to a negative event. I can do this, I will process this and I will move on.
And that is when anger turned into my friend and became my strength.
Am I embarrassed about losing my cool like that? I have decided not to be. I gave myself permission to be free. There are more important things in the world to be concerned about than little human fuck ups, yours or mine. What matters is where we go from here.
I also decided to be nice to myself. After all, if I want for all of us, human fellows to be nice to one another and care about each other, I might as well start with myself. That felt really good. My heart stopped hurting, at least physically. I could breathe and felt at peace again, somehow stronger than ever, and more in alignment with the Truth that I so wish to live.
I could not sum it up better than my beautiful soul siStar Sara Sophia Eisenman did:
“What is really magical is that once you have fully felt and processed the rage, it tends to automatically subside and integrate into a form of strength that will serve you for the rest of your days. You needn’t go around being angry forever; the energy of rage has come to perform a particular sacred duty and once it has done so, it will transform without effort into an elegant, regal, aligned form. It will also permanently transform your energy, such that people show up for you in a more aligned way.
Do not hold on; release all; burn clean; and be free.”
Thank you for spending time with me here, I hope my sharing had something in it for you.
On the subject

Anna Suvorova
Conscious Living Consultant


Damn Good Reasons to move your booty to the Yoga mat.


– You will get to meet the True YOU, and fall in love with it. Life is awesome when we are in love!

– You will make your self feel better no matter how great you think you already feel.

– You will see the world with more clarity! Looking through foggy glasses arn’t IT!

– You will get to see and distinguish Truth from lies. You will stop believing thousands of lies around us.

– You will ‘plug in’ to the reality that really matters!

– You will experience Life as it is, not as someone told you how it should be.

– Each time you take your beautiful self to a yoga mat, you are buying your Spiritual FREEDOM!

What on Earth are you waiting for?

with much love,
truly yours

Falling sick. The best thing that ever happened to You?


If you wonder whether I am being sarcastic, I tell you now – No!

I will not lie to you and say that being sick or living in a ‘special needs physical body’ is fun.
It is not, and some of you know that better than me. If you are lucky not to know what it is to live in an unwell, challenged or super sensitive body, then imagine having kind of a radar in your pocket, that is beeping each time when something is not right, can you envision that? “The food is not clean”- Beep-Beep! “This stuff on your plate is GMO, it will alter your DNA”- Beep-Beep! “You better lie down, you are running on low”- Beep-Beep! “You are really dehydrated now.” – Beep-Beep!

You got the picture, right? And, let’s be honest here, in our uneducated, food-twisted, soul-forgotten, truth-hiding world something is ALWAYS not right. We leave that subject for another time, shall we?
It is not the point here.
Here, I want to share with you why being unwell or falling sick can be the best thing that ever happened to you. I mean it!

– Through being unwell for as long as I remember my Self, I came to see that I would never EVER have gone on the path of Harmony and Truth if I had not being living with the auto-immune disorder. When we are feeling great and on top of the world physically, we don’t give a sh.t. It might not be true for someone as enlightened as your beautiful Self, but for me, and many others I have watched during my life time…. it is true for sure. I have a few friends (luckily not all of them) who are as cold and insensitive as a fridge when they are feeling great and become super sensitive, warm and caring human beings when they get sick. I know – if I had not been unwell, I would probably have wasted my life away on chasing carriers, money, and injecting Botox next to my third eye, drowning in my vanity or the rivers of champagne, while driving a red sport car, thinking that I have it all. I would have stayed blind and happily unconscious. It was definitely a chance for me to take that road, but my illness did not allow me to. Thank God for that!

Illness is a wake up call to the truth of our Soul. Whether we take that chance or not is entirely up to us.
It leads us to the real Self, to our Truth!

-Getting sick pushes the “Alert” button. It leaves us no choice but to finally pay attention to what seems like the only thing that is real. We, finally, start questioning how we live our lives: what do we do with our time, how do we conduct ourselves, what choices do we make; how the f@ck did we get here and how do we turn it all around???
We are forced to stop the bullshit and turn to what really matters – Self. Those who listen create miracles and change the course of their life forever. Remember the book “The Monk who sold his Ferrari” by Robin Sharma? Spectacular read for those who just got sick and going through their own disillusion process.
Robin knows it, I know it, and many others know it. Want to know what happened to my mother? This special lady woke up to her Truth when she found herself all alone, dying from cancer on a hospital bed with no one by her side, as playing a horrid Human being for years pushed everyone away. Don’t be alarmed here; my mum is my hero, she turned it all around and transformed from the most aggressive and abusive gorgeous looking evil on Earth into the most beautiful sensitive angelic Human being who feeds the street kids and sings in the church. What a power house, hey? What an inspiration to the rest of us!!! She is the one who made me believe that we all can turn it all around.

Illness points the entire world to one thing – Self! And everything in life, Every Thing starts from the Self.

-Another lesson from being sick, that is a real game-changer – our ability to feel Compassion.
Once we suffer and know how hard it is to function as a loving and charming Human being (that we all want to be!) when we are in pain or have zero energy to move our bootie…. that changes our perspective on life, big time!
It is not easy to be loving and helpful to anyone when I am so weak, that a freaking trip from bed to the bathroom seems like a flight to the moon? We cannot make decisions or encourage others to rely on us, when we are unwell. This is teaching us to be more patient, more forgiving, more accepting rather than being harsh, impatient or demanding. We see the struggles of others, and we can relate now…… we become kind. To me … just that is worth everything.

– Falling unwell teaches us how to take care of our body, this miraculous human machine, this ever persistent invitation to the NOW. Body is the star gate to everything else. Try to be happy or enjoy the taste of chocolate or the lips of your lover, while you are physically in pain. If you can do that, you are my hero. I struggle to be present to anything when I am in pain. As one of the modern yogis put it: “It is through your body that you realize – You are a Spark of Divinity.” Body is the best teacher there is. We just have to listen and learn the language that it speaks. When we are sick, body is the one who is sending the message and the one who can show the way.

So, beloved, before your ”teacher” gets really angry with you for not listening….. do your beautiful Self a favor – Start paying attention to how you feel, to your relationship with your beautiful body, to things that matter. If you did manage to fall sick and now wondering where to go from here, please consider taking these steps:

– See it as a good thing, take it as invitation to change the way you know your Self to be!

– Have faith in your Self and your human journey! We think we know stuff, but we don’t. Keep a room for a miracle!

– Look for your truth: strip naked emotionally, be honest and daring, and expose all the inner lies and let the bullshit go. Your truth will be your healer.

– Love your Self like your life depends on it, because it does!

– Find the ways to heal that you feel are right for you. Let others have their own opinions. They are not the ones stuck in your body, it is YOU! Listen, thank them all and do what feel right to you.

Know this!
Years will pass by…. And you will look back at this moment and you will say “That falling sick business was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
And You will glow, you will shine, you will radiate so much love and so much light out into the world, that nothing will ever cloud your sky. You will share your stories with others, you will give them hope too. And that will make you feel on top of the world, thinking how great it is that years ago You decided to get sick and change your life forever.

I know now that my sick body awakened my closed up and fearful heart…..  I got to see what is real, i got to know what i am made off, i looked deeper inward and searched for truth…. i took the call and never looked back.
if i could do, so can you.

I love you! I believe in You! Falling sick might the best thing that ever happened to you.

What You choose is choosing You.

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This is something very dear to me, and I feel ready to share it with you now.
Here it is – the secret of peace, coming from a modern Yogi, a cosmic cookie serving her time on planet Earth, navigating through all the storms of life that any truth-seeker or freedom-lover has to experience here. I have drunk the bitter medicine of life (honestly, I prefer the taste of Chocolate!)
Have it and use it. Save your precious Self from all the troubles that are hardly ever real and never yours anyway. You know who you are and who you are becoming. Right? I thought so.

Why do I think that I have the secret? I struggled for years. I was a prisoner of fear, of conditioning and someone else’s lies. I was a hostage of the unconscious for long enough to learn its twisted ways. I played the victim role too well.
I saw a shooting star when i was 7 and wished for my mother to become kind, like some kids would ask for a puppy. Badly beaten until 15, thrown out of school and University, bullied and yelled at….. all because I spoke my truth, refusing to fit the mold, I came to know the non-truth, not by choice, but by the higher will. I grew up in a communist country where a big shiny car could pull over any time and take a person from our building, while we are all silently-and-shakingly watching, picking through the spooky flowers on our curtains.
Fear used to be a norm.
A misfit, a challenge, a trouble-maker who changes everything around just by being! Sounds familiar? Then read on, beloved!
Secret #1 – Not everything we experience here is created by us consciously. Things are far more complex than that. We come here with a purpose and sometimes cosmic debts we must pay. It is what it is! We can choose how to live it all out though.

I also could not speak for a long time. I guess I was in such shock of the state of this planet that I was quiet for much longer than most little people are…. processing and figuring out. “Huh, cosmic little cookie, navigate though that!”
It is only now, when I am older and wiser (just a little!)…. I know that speaking on this planet is not such a great thing anyway. 🙂 I would take a meaningful silence over any words… at any given moment! I write my truth because it allows me to filter it and polish it, I give myself a chance to see where I am still trapped in a lie.

Did you notice how speaking our Truth gets us in trouble? Isn’t that fun? People get challenged by the choices we make and the words we say, even when we speak it kindly. I mean, how often do we want to send a message out – “Why do I bother you so much? I am just me, happy little me, doing what I am doing, smiling and shining, living my life as I know it. Sorry if I don’t fit into your idea of a human life. You don’t fit into mine either, but somehow it does not bother me.” My grandma used to say “Show me your choices, and I tell you who you are!”
Secret #2 – Our amusing planet is full of noise, full of words, full of sounds…….. and not all of them are true 🙂 You probably figured that out by now. Unless we tune into what is real, we are fooled and trapped in empty illusion, full of noise, pretending to be true. As one of the most wicked books I ever read put it “Listen. The sound around you belongs to thousands of lairs.”

We want to feel peace and we do all we can to get it. We might think it is something else we are after, but it is just another lie that we successfully convinced our Self in.

We travel to far-far-away places just to get peace. We sell everything we have and we go to an ashram in India; we put our bodies through astonishing physical challenges, we climb mountains and jump of the cliffs; we take drugs and experiment with psychedelics; we take courses; we book healing sessions….. we go for yoga classes, we dive into our passions, we try all that we know of. We often sell our souls to get paid so we can have a home and food to eat, buy stuff we want. You know that sense of security that we are looking for in our insurances and marriages, pensions and mortgages, all the mind crap that sounds so alluring but tricks us every time. Somehow we never get there. It never works, as we long for inner freedom that can never be bought…. never be found….. never be chased. Like Truth, it can only be chosen. So we quit the freaking jobs and embark upon a challenging journey – finding peace for our confused and tired Self. Throughout entire life……. we just never stop searching for that one little feeling that changes EVERYTHING. Peace! Many of us don’t stop trying until we find it!

Where the f@& is it? Someone, tell us, point the direction and we will all go there and bring all the noise with us! 🙂
Here is the formula, my angel. It is much easier than any of us knew. Do not think for a second that I am cleverer than you are. I had to go through zillions of challenges and fight thousands of demons to find it.
I had to be sick, abused, broke, hopeless, dark, sick again, stalked, broken (spiritually), fired, angry and raging, weak and scared… and on my knees. I fought and rebelled all that I could, until I ran out of “self”. When all that failed, I sobbed on the floor like a child, praying and begging mama Universe to speak to me, to show me the way…… and I meant it. She kindly looked at her stubborn human child, mind-clouded, heart-broken, tricked-and-trapped, finally choosing peace, longing for it with every cell of her being.
None of this experience is worth of anything if I cannot share it with You, the other cosmic cookie learning to be a Human.
I did it all so you don’t have to.
Be wise! Choose well!

Secret #3 – Top Secret! Your peace is YOU. You are IT!. You are the portal of everything you ever wished for. You are the switch on your reality screen….. You are your own secret!!! “How am I a secret?”- I hear you ask.
This is how!
Right this moment you are standing in front of a big reality screen, this reality is your life as you know it. You navigate through it by the choices that you make, whether you know it or not, breath by breath, moment by moment. This very moment contains zillions and trillions of possibilities of You, of how you can experience your “Self”. You and You only have the remote control. Press the right buttons angel. Take control of your choices. Start with your thoughts. Be clever with those ‘little buggers’, some of them are very stubborn and really good at pretending to be yours. This is your ride, this is your trip, and this is your story.
What to do now?
1- Please take a deep breath in, close your eyes and start listening to the sound of your heart beat, the only sound you can trust. This is your guide, this is your compass.
2- Watch your (?) thoughts storming through your mind and choose the ones you want to be True. Dismiss the rest; they are only noise trying to be real.
3- Choose CONSCIOUSLY what you want to focus on, to embrace, what you want to feel. One of the wisest cosmic cookie on Earth, Rumi, put it simply – “What you seek is seeking you.” By choosing it, you are making a bridge!
Watch! Observe! Make choices! “Build bridges”. Be clear on whom you are becoming… and leave the rest to mama Universe! She is awesome; all she cares about is your peace and your truth. Now you do it too, beloved!

Truly yours,
Anna. Teacher/Writer/Dreamer

Handle with Care. Confession of one Human.

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Sometimes life hugs us so tight, that it gets the best out of us.

Lately I got so squeezed by the grip of life that even my ‘tough Russian cookie’ Self crumbled.
A part of me likes to be independent and self-sufficient and have a kind of “I need no one” attitude…..

I am a cool duddess, I am a Power House. I am a Sparkle of Consciousness learning to be a human being. I am also a  teacher, a dreamer, and a writer. I overcome my own obstacles, I make decisions and take responsibilities for them, I deal with my humanness, and all that comes with it. I don’t like bothering others with my sh.t, I know we all have stuff to breathe through. I only want to have a good time with others. I always wanted to be a person to have fun with, to have the best time and best giggles with. I wanted to be in the ‘Joy Department’…. Always.  I often make it there. But, hell, those trips in between are real pain in the butt! Maybe that is why I am so much fun when I make it there, because I know how shitty it is in all the  other departments.
The longer I live, the more I learn not to be so damn proud and find the courage to be authentic and to be real.

Life is not always sunshine. ‘Joy Department’ is not all there is. Some experiences kick us in the face (or balls ) and leave us breathless. I am sure you got your own glance of that. It is how we handle it, right?
My short version of why I am so overwhelmed looks like this.

I live with auto- immune disorder since 14, I chose to handle it on my own, no doctors, thank you. I cannot eat what most people eat, I have to prepare almost each meal,  hunting my super foods, so I know my body gets “real medicine”. I have learned to  have fun with it, no complains here. Hey, i  make the best Raw Chocolate because of that. I get sick easily if I don’t follow my strict discipline. Taking care of my health is freaking full-time job. On top of that I had to “delete” all the bloody (literally) pictures of my childhood, not even to mention the disturbing experience of an expensive, forced-to-extend surgery to fix my broken nose, so I could breathe…… I got a “welcome to human life” gift from childhood that sits on my face.
I made it to the point where I just love it all, but don’t start me on the work behind it.  I was diagnosed with so many different disorders throughout my life that my head spins even trying to recall it. I work on myself relentlessly, I  keep finding new ways to self-heal again and again, navigating through the bullshit of this world: the ways of a cold-hearted system and the health wrecking stuff that is called our “food”… In between all that, I run around, pretending  to be normal, inspiring others how to be the best they can be and to find their own ways to navigate to  ‘Joy Department’.

A few years ago i had this shocking experience of having a person after me for the whole year, wanting to destroy me, because I refused to be what his mind wanted me to be. I think it is called obsession. Never ending death-threats and non-numan cruelty towards another human being is not something i would wish  even to Hitler himself. Oh, that was a tough one, surely it  was tougher than  my “tough cookie” wants to admit. May his Soul rest in peace, he took his life and I am no one to judge it.

I choose not to dwell on whether i created these experiences, consciously or unconsciously.

All I want to know, as a human being, is how I can learn to navigate through this overwhelming, ever-demanding experience called life. “Whoah, so much for one little girl” – I think to my lovely Self at times. Do I feel sorry for myself? Sometimes I do, but mostly, it is Compassion that I feel. Compassion for this weird thing called a Human Life. Perhaps that is why I have lots of it to offer to others.
So I looked for the ways to be and make it easier for myself. I took Self-Love classes, “Pull-Your-Gig-Together” courses, I had angelic healers, galactic doctors working on me. EFT, HLP, Kinesiology, Family Constellations, Shamanic Energy Work, you name it…. I had it. I was silent for 11 days and i had nothing but sun light for 21 days, it is called sunyoga, not to mention numerous detoxes and some super advanced lamps shining into my third eye. I meditate and do yoga for years to keep me sane and, guess what….. I still crumble. I am a Human. Fragile, sweet Human, just like the rest of us here.

I decided to look deeper into this subject. I took myself on an Honesty trip. I asked a serious question and i got a good answer. I saw the inner Truth of what I call “me”. My “tough cookie” Self got tired. I just want to feel loved and supported, that is all. I know, you feel it too. Not by one or two loyal friends, we want to feel loved by the world. Don’t we? We want to live in Harmony with  each other. I know one thing for sure, when we are giving and loving, when we are present to each others needs and life experiences, we need no therapies, no healing is needed. Just being loved is healing enough.

Just our loving support, kind understanding is enough to make people feel recharged and inspired again. Did you know that?
Living in the messed up world where authenticity and vulnerability are still not as accepted as rigidity and coldness really sucks. It has to change…..  This is my decision for my life. I got over my pride and my independent ‘tough cookie’ attitude and i started asking people to be kind to me.
When i see people pushing or forcing, or being insensitive and unaware around me, I take a deep breath, find the courage hiding somewhere in the unloved, neglected corner of myself, and I say “PLEASE, HANDLE ME WITH CARE. I AM FRAGILE. I AM A HUMAN. I am struggling, I am overwhelmed, I need all the love and all the support that I can get. If you cannot give it, I understand, but please don’t add to my overflowing cup.”
I am astonished at the results of this simple authenticity act. People are so much more Human than they are allowed to be.
I guess, they were right there “Ask and you shall receive”. I am glad I got over that damn pride. I thought i would share this in case it helps  you  to see what is it that you need. What kind of world do you want around you? What changes have you got to make? Remember, it all starts from the Self,

Truly yours,

ps.if you follow me here, please note that my blog is moving to

Love. Trust… or die.

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I have had enough of being afraid. Haven’ t you?
Enough of feeling small and powerless.
Enough of these imagined fears and false beliefs that are not even ours in a first place.
Enough of doubts and negative self-talks.
Enough of not living our precious glorious lives.
Enough of mind traps and self-supported limitations!
Enough of that useless stuff that does not serve our higher purpose.
Enough of being stuck in useless noise.

We get confused and sick, we get heart-broken and shattered, we get shocked by other people’s choices and we drop our jaws all the way down to the floor more and more often, listening to what is said or done around us. We wonder at times if what we see and hear is for real. We wonder if we all simply lost our minds and if we are imagining things. How very human, how very normal for the times of change we live in.

Your mind thinks like this, and my mind thinks differently. Our opinions will not necessarily match or our points of views will meet. We might experience the mental split, the ultimate illusion of separation.

Our bodies might never connect or get lost in that majestic dance where we intertwine as one, consumed by that glorious physical chemistry that leaves us all in awe. That might never happen……………

One thing for sure though – my ever beating Heart will always be able to tune onto your ever beating heart. You know pain, and I know pain. You had a portion of this trippy experience called “human life”, and so did I. Our hearts have the same stories to tell. Your heart beats just like mine.

Our hearts beat to the same cosmic tune. It is One for all, shared by all of us.
And I don’t mean just the ones who are nice and sweet to us, I mean ALL of US.
Those whom we love and those who challenge the day light out of us share the same heart beat with us. That is why the HEART is the only way.

Why are we so afraid to be in the Heart? Why are we trying to protect our scared little Self from this glorious WHAT IS called life?
We cannot outsmart our intelligent, beautifully real, beating-for-love, heart. It has a life and a mind on its own. It wants to love. It is all about love. It cares for nothing, but Love!

Love is the purpose, and HEART is where it takes place. Our beautifully confused minds and our glorious physical bodies have no “love muscle” on their own. Heart is the center of our Human machine.

Heart is like our ever-loving shining Sun that just keeps loving and giving its light, never asking who deserves it or not, who has been good or who has been a real pain-in-the-butt. It just loves us all and gives its light to all, with no expectation.
The heart is just like that, it knows no judgment, it has no logic. It only knows Love.
Thank God for that! At least one part of our Human machine has the cosmic intelligence. Isn’t that spectacular?! There is a part of a Human machine that knows the higher truth, the purpose of a Human Life. It knows even when the rest of us suffer from amnesia.

Just like you, I am a Human (well, for now). I get inspired, I get confused, I get heart-broken and I get scared at times. All this human stuff is so new and so not how I want it to be. I drop my jaw all the way down to the floor watching some stuff going on in this world and I have to practice all the secrets of yoga not to scream out loud or slap someone real hard to wake them up. I hear my mind’s chatter and my body talks. They all have something to say. So much noise in the world, no wonder we get confused.

I have learned that it is the heart that speaks of the stuff that matters. It speaks volumes and it does not listen to anyone but Truth herself. It insists on love no matter what is going on around. Each time I refuse to hear it out, I get disappointed; each time I let my mind win the argument between my heart and my mind, I die a little on the inside.

I watch my precious self and beautiful others around me getting stuck in the fear zone sometimes, pretty often in fact. It is a heroic experience to drag our scared little self back to life, back to the Light, when fear penetrates each cell of our humanness. It takes a lot of faith, courage and self-love to breathe life into our own life and turn to the heart.

I became very fond of the memories that my heart collects, no matter how painful they seem. I will take them with me when my time comes to move on to the world where none of this is real! And so will you, beloved. You will take only what matters, and your heart is in charge of that.

Our purpose of life is to find our own way to happiness, and there is no Happiness without Love in the heart.
Those who gave up on their heart get seriously shaken when they find themselves all alone, feeling empty, and look back, wondering where the heck life went. And guess who knows this, even when we forgot? Yeap, the Heart knows! It knows even when we choose not to hear it. The heart knows when the mind thinks we are not brave enough, or not free enough or not good enough. It knows at all times, even when we shut it down and refuse to listen to its callings.

We all had our hearts broken, and perhaps it is the reason why we get afraid.
We trust, we get involved, we disappoint each other and hurt each other, we disagree on stuff and we push each others buttons to the point of madness. We get divorced, we scream, we get angry, we leave, thinking: “Never again!” And sometimes we stick to it, and that is how we die while we are still living.

The thing is, in all of this messy and painfully exciting experience, we get to live, we get to feel… We download more life information and we become more alive. We learn. We grow. We expand.

We LIVE! Isn’t that what we are here for?

So, beloved friend, let’s find our heart. Let’s tune into our own heart beat and the beats of others. Let’s get out there and live from the heart, creating a New World full of people willing to live in the truth.

Let’s stop being afraid. Love. Trust. Dive into the unknown.
Let’s say “no” to fears. Let’s find the courage to listen to what is in the heart and let it lead the way. It knows what it is doing. It is OK to trust your heart.

And when we do get that beautiful heart of ours smashed into thousands of little pieces, we can cry and celebrate our ability to feel stuff. We can embrace it all. It is what it is. After that…… we can lovingly pick the pieces up, put them back together….. and start all over again.

Do not shut your heart down, ever, beloved. Do not let it be silent.
There is no life out here; there is nothing real in this world outside of the heart.
Let the story of your life be told by the one who knows – your heart!

Thank you for spending time with me here. Go and live. Love and trust, do not die while you are still living.

Love that cute, flawed, little thing called “me”!

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Here is the truth that we all know and just love (!) forgetting for some mysterious reason.

Not much is needed to read this piece, just brutal honesty and courage to look within, not without.
We are all good at this looking-without thing, it is not where we need to look, and we, smart little cookies know it!

This is the truth that has been hiding for too long under the layers of arrogance, self-worth issues, egos and fears:

When I do not love myself, this is how i feel:
– It does not really matter how much love and kindness I see from others…. I perceive this world as a dark place and I am one bitter human being. “Why the whole world is against me?”

– Nothing and no one is ever good enough.
“I want to be loved and they all keep failing at making me feel it. What is wrong with these people?”

– When I do not love myself… I give those around me a really hard time.
I punish them for not filling the emptiness inside me that no one can fill but me, my cute, flawed, little me, sooooooo hurt, and sooooo wounded that I am freaking blind, and i don’t even know it.

– The real truth is seen only through the eyes of Love, and I am nowhere near that place…. yet!
Maybe i should scream: ‘Please, world, or just someone….Love me as i am and i will change. I will be able to love too.’
Instead I tell them my truth, as I know it. I yell, i scream, i insult others, defending my right to be loved, and i show world how weak i actually am. I am hiding like a coward behind my anger and ‘smart-ass’ remarks. ” Oh! I better grow up! This is not fun!”

– When I do not love myself… I blame the whole world for all my misfortunes and troubles.
It upsets me to see all these happy people shining their Light with such confidence and grace. I wish i was like them, but i don’t know how. So…. I unconsciously drag them down, i say mean things and i am never happy for anyone. I make them feel small because it makes me feel bigger. “Ahhhhhh! I think i am better than that.”

I think we get the picture, right? Who is in charge, darling? Who is behind that cute, flawed, little thing called “me”?

Here is another side of the same truth… Same mirror… a different reflection!

❤ When I love myself and honor what lives through me….. I see beauty in everything around and I honor all those around me.

❤ Once i stop judging me, i stop judging others.

❤ When I found the courage to look inside and see where i need to work on my own s..t, i actually begin to accept my unique and extraordinary Self. I kind of begin to like this cute, flawed, little thing called “me”. “Ah! Hello there, can we be friends?!”

❤ When i manage to love myself, i can drop my story……and accept others for what they really are – masterpieces in progress, just like me!

❤ I see human value of everyone i meet, because I have discovered my own.

The connection is obvious, don’t you think? What we observe outside of us is what we have discovered on the inside of us. “As within, so without.”

What we see is what we are!

❤ When I love myself… I know the highest secret of life.
No one is here to make me feel loved, but me. It is all about me, it starts with me and it ends with me. When my time comes, it will be just me going where i will be going. There is no space here for unjust demands and expectations that so many of us have (unconsciously, of course). There is no space for negativity either. We know there is bad stuff floating around, it has its place in the world, no need to feed it!

Being a Human is a full time job.
Being a decent one is some work, i tell you!
We constantly dig within and we work on our stuff, relentlessly; we keep smiling and showing kindness and compassion to this confused, flawed little thing called “world”; and we always, ALWAYS start with that cute, little thing called "me"

Simply put.

When i can fall in love with that cute little thing called “me”…. I can easily fall in love with the rest of the world.
Same-same, but different, as we say In Thailand.
What i see in you is what i see in me! What I Love in You is what i Love in me! La-la-la. Chip-chip-chip!!!

Thank you for spending time with me here. I hope it made you smile and you get the point.

Anna Suvorova

What to do with Pain. A short guide for a Star!


“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” ~ Haruki Murakami

What do you think about pain?
Let me rephrase the question. How do you feel about pain?

You don’t like it, do you?
You think life would be so much better without it.
When I suffered from my version of cosmic amnesia, I also felt that way about pain.

That was until a big portion of the remedy called pain was given to me so i could change my uneducated darkness into Light.

Truth # 1. Pain is unavoidable.

It is painful to be a human. That is the way it is! We call ourselves ‘sensitive souls’ but in truth, we are just Human.

We look out of our precious little shells, called ‘Self’ that still remembers Light, Truth and Oneness… and we see all this chaos: suffering and non-justice, wars and bombings, kids mistreated, nations wiped out, our food and water poisoned, etc……. I could go on forever, but I will stop here. We know we live in a world that needs a lot of healing, we are not blind. No need to go on and on about it.

So, no wonder we freak out and rebel; we cause trouble and fight; we swear and curse; we try to prove our point, and not finding any kindness in response to our ‘justified angry reaction’…. we run to different substances to numb that unbearable inner screaming……. at least for a moment. Or we find Yoga an other ‘natural drugs’ to keep us sane.
Something inside hurts and weeps so much that our pain becomes the only thing that is real.
Been there? Yeah, me too. Isn’t great?

Truth # 2. Pain reminds us that we are alive!

It is some experience to be a cosmic Star learning how to be a Human, it is not for the faint-hearted.
It is not easy to wear this tiny but somehow heavy ‘humanness suit’ for someone who is light, free, unlimited and eternal.
“The suit is tight, for God’s sake.” – i screamed for years, looking up into the skies as if that was going to change it.

We are here to learn how to be a human, and we experience all that ‘comes with a package’. The ‘suit’ is included, so is the pain.

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding” ~ Khalil Gibran

There is no one on Earth who found the way to avoid pain.
You are not the only one who is feeling it, and my goodness, it feels good to know that I am not the only one either!

There are many who found the way how to deal with it though. They understood it, they have been wearing the same ‘suit’ and somehow they managed to be OK with it.
They are the ones who shine the brightest, who inspire the most. i choose to learn from them. Whom do you choose to learn from?

The sooner we understand that pain is nothing more than an invitation to grow up, a chance to learn and to expand…..the more time and space we will have for love and chocolate, you know, the fun stuff.

So, now that we got that one out of the way, the next question is –

How do we deal with it? What do we do? How do we stop this self-inflicted torture?

Here is a kind suggestion to all those who still fight their pain.
It is just an honest heart sharing from one star to another. I don’t claim to know more or have it worse than you. You have my human and cosmic compassion. I wish to inspire you with my own path.

I watched my cute little ‘Self’ rolling in blood, kicking and screaming, and numbing my Self unconscious for a long time. i did not handle it well, i admit. I want you to do better.
I am happy i did take my portion of it though.

Now, right this moment, I watch my ‘smiling little bundle of joy’ sitting here quietly, writing this article, sipping coffee and beaming out as if it was the Sun itSelf.

It is our human journey. The more we grasp the truth, the more light shines at our sweet little ‘Self’. So chase after the truth, beloved, grab it by the balls, learn all you can, re program your precious ‘Self’.
This is changing time.

After all, Light is nothing more, but an educated darkness.

Do you want to understand your pain?
Please, take a deep breath and open your mind a little wider, so the light of Truth can slip in there through another human being who believes in the power of knowledge, who believes in change.

Truth # 3. Pain is your friend.

“An emotion does not cause pain. Resistance or suppression of emotion causes pain.”― Frederick Dodson

That’s it, pain is our friend. As long as we fight it, resist it, numb it and try to avoid feeling it, we suffer. If we want to continue to suffer, we keep fighting, keep resisting, keep numbing.
We are smarter than that, right? Who wants to suffer more than it is necessary?

If you are done with that and now wish to experience your cutie little Self in a more joyful and productive way, then you are ready to befriend the pain.

If you did not find your own way dealing with pain yet, may i suggest this little exercise. It worked for many of us.

Pain Befriending Exercise:

-Close your eyes.

-Take a deep conscious breath.

-Identify your pain.

-See its shape and color. Feel it. Stay wit it.

-Breathe into it. Fill it with light, fill it with love.

-Embrace it! Make it a part of YOU!

Repeat all the steps a few times until you feel that you and your pain are friends. You and it are one!

Exhale and let go of your reaction to what IS!!! it is what it IS. You are here, you are stuck (in a good way) in your precious shell called “me”, and the world around you is just the way it knows how to be.
Everyone is doing all they can. Even if we kick and scream our sweet ‘Self’ to death, it is not going to make us feel better, so…. LET GO!

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE.” ~ mother Teresa


You have just rewired you Self. You dropped the old and stepped in to the new.
If you are a sensitive soul (which I am sure you are) be prepared during this exercise to see the colors, to hear the sounds, to sense the magic of your cosmic wisdom, your own Light that hides underneath all that suffering and pain.
You know who you are, you just forgot. We all get little ‘cosmic amnesia attacks’ sometimes.

You are a shining star that found the courage to come here and learn to be a Human. Isn’t that awesome? Isn’t that heroic?
Pain is nothing else but a sign that you are doing a f…ng great job out of your presence here, you are waking up to the Truth. You are expanding back to the Light, Truth and Oneness.
Celebrate your Self!
You are a STAR!

Thank you for spending time with me here. You know what to do now, right?
Shine and learn. SHINE and LEARN!

“How-to-move-through-shitty-times.” A short manual.

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There are times in life when we feel down, when we are not sure where we are heading any longer.

It seems like we have lost direction, the Light has stopped shining upon us, we feel trapped and confused.

We are down. We look around and see that everyone else is doing great, but us. “Why? What is wrong with me? “ Some of us are too shy and too embarrassed to ask for help, and so we dwell in the dark, cooking in our own ‘mind soup’, believing it all. “I really fucked it up this time.”

Everything seems to be falling apart and we feel like lost kids, left all alone, no guidance, no direction, and no manual on ‘How to go through shitty times’.
No one seems to understand what we are going through. No one knows, no one gets it, everyone is too busy dealing with their own stuff. And those who do find the time to listen to our crying heart pouring will not get it anyway as it is impossible to put in words how broken and how lost we feel.

Sounds familiar?
Yes? We are the members of the same club then, and that is a great thing.
I have been to that place so many times, that I stopped taking it seriously. It is like “Oh, another learning curve. I see! Let get straight to the point.” I guess I will go there as many times as needed for my stubborn rigid Self to finally get the lesson. I am the type that learns from own experiences. I look in the mirror at times and say “Not very bright, are You?” I am just making you smile, I do love my precious weird Self, I just like laughing at it too 

I am hoping that you are smarter than me and you will get it from someone else’s words rather than your experience. There is no need to suffer more than it is necessary. So next time when you feel down, you will remember that there was this funny piece written by this strange girl, the member of ‘Self-Re-Start’ club, and You will read through it and, hopefully feel better.

Let’s cover two important subjects here and approach them from the yogic point of view:

Why on Earth do we suffer so much?
What to do when we do?


“Disillusion is a painful process.”

Please understand that it is through our suffering, through our pain that we rise above our human little mindedness and our cute arrogant selves that are obsessed with self-importance and emotional comfort. We think we are the center of the world and we should be happy all the time. And if you think that, I agree with you 100%
If it was up to us, we would just have it super-duper-great-going all the time. I absolutely would! That would be refreshing and awesome, maybe one day (I still hope). We don’t want to suffer, we don’t want to feel pain in places inside that we did not know we had. We avoid suffering and pain so much that sometimes we avoid living all together. Is that a way to live a life?

Imagine, each morning some higher voice speaks to us all and says: “Who wants to suffer today, darlings? Raise your hand!” Hm. Let us think. No one!!!

Here is a good question to meditate on: How on Earth will we ever learn the meaning of life voluntarily? Let us be honest here – We are not that enlightened, no one will agree to suffering, Ok, maybe a few heroic ones….. if it is for some great cause, like “Suffer-and You-will-Save-the-world.” Perhaps we will find a few heroes.

Most of us? If we just could move through life with no troubles, no obstacles, no challenges, happy-go-lucky, eating crap (pardon my Russian!), not paying attention to what IS or other people’s needs or the state of the world around us. La-la-la. La-la. Why bother make any effort, why change, why pay attention, why learn? I am happy as I am! Right?

I doubt we would get anywhere with an attitude like that. So we must embrace those special times of learning when we are down. It might seem like a shitty time, BUT… In a bigger picture of life: It is a blessing in disguise, an open invitation to grow, to change, to become a better version of Yourself. Sooner or later you will see it for yourself, you just don’t see it now. And that is OK.

We are humans. The only way we learn is through suffering.
We wake up through it. We shed illusions. We get to see what is real and what is not. Someone once said “Disillusion is a painful process.” I could not agree more.
The sooner we embrace this, the better it is for us.

I tell you this: if I had not been so sick, that I could hardly move or breathe; if I had not been so broken and challenged, that I wanted to die; if I had not been so lost in the dark and despair that I thought it was the end of my life as I know it……….I would have never learned anything of real value in this life. I would have never got to see what I am made of.

It is those times that made me a believer in great stuff.
It is those times that turned my face towards the Light and Faith.
It is those times that made me compassionate and loving Human Being.
It is those times that made me meet and fall in love with the most important person in my life- Me!

So, why do we suffer?
Because we are being polished, like diamonds! You are a diamond in progress. You will get through this. One day you will look back at this stage of your life and you will smile at how exciting, how deeply meaningful your life journey is, how great that is that you are YOU….and just how awesome you are. YOU will love yourself, respect and value yourself. And we all know where that kind of vibe leads


Acceptance is the key to moving forward.

-Take a deep breath and tell yourself “It is OK to be where I am. I am alive. I am learning. I am in progress.”

-Accept Yourself as You are. Surrender to what IS. It is what it IS. Stop fighting it.

-Help Yourself to get out of your mind. Go to nature! Take a barefoot walk in the woods or on the beach.

-Call a dear friend who cares about you (I am sure you have those, if you have not, rather than beating yourself up for being such an ass, start making them now!) Share your heart as it is with someone you trust. Have courage to be honest. Be authentic. Ability to be authentic is the only way to experience perfection for a human being. If you dare to be authentic, you are perfect. Remember? You are a diamond in progress!

-Start doing something that makes you feel good about Yourself, at least one thing. If you lack motivation and feel like you have no energy left to fight for your Light any longer…. know this – one tiny change is all it takes to create a difference, to make a shift in how you feel right now. You are the only one who knows what that small thing is and where it is. Find it! Pull it out and press the Self-Re-Start button.

-Drink plenty of healthy liquids (not cold)! Good water, yogi tea or your favorite tea.

-Spend time with what you call “Me”. Listen. Learn. Let Yourself happen.

-Make an effort to make the best out of this special time. I know it sounds weird, but the truth is –
Things change all the time. We are all changing all the time. We are fluid; we are walking breathing clouds of liquid light. And this very moment, this day, this breath that we take right now will never be repeated…… they are not words. Once gone, they are gone forever. This part of your journey will be over soon, it will change and transform into another form, another experience. Be a wise cookie. Make the best out of it. Life is always right!

Much love from one member of the ’Self-Re-Start’ club to another. We are One!


Smoothies for beginners. Play and Learn!

Overcoming Obstacles

P1090406 While working on my new site that is a sheer result of my increasing passion for serving and inspiring others, i wrote this to give as a gift to all those who want to start their own Journey of Change. Enjoy! Play and learn!
Thank you for your trust in what i do. I am delighted to share with you what worked for me on my personal healing journey. Having smoothies every day definitely made a huge difference in my life! I am fit, slender, and i am super healthy finally at 46, after years and years of being unwell and unhappy bunny.
Please remember that food is not the only way to create a change in your life. We must be aware of all the choices that we make, each day, each breath. They all matter!

I put this together for those of you who are just at…

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