Handle with Care. I am a Human.

Anna Smoking(1)

Sometimes life hugs us so tight, that it gets the best out of us.

Lately I got so squeezed by the grip of life that even my ‘tough Russian cookie” Self crumbled.
A part of me likes to be independent and self-sufficient and have a kind of “I need no one” attitude…..

I am a cool duddess, I am a Power House. I am a Sparkle of Consciousness learning to be a human being. I am also a  teacher, a dreamer, a writer. I overcome my own obstacles, I make decisions and take responsibilities for them, I deal with my humanness, and all that comes with it. I don’t like bothering others with my sh.t, I know we all have stuff to breathe through. I only want to have a good time with others. I always wanted to be a person to have fun with, to have the best time and best giggles with. I wanted to be in the ‘Joy Department’…. Always.  I often make it there. But, hell, those trips in between are real pain in the butt! Maybe that is why I am so much fun when I make it there, because I know how shitty it is in all the  other departments.
The longer I live, the more I learn not to be so damn proud and find the courage to be authentic and to be real.

Life is not always sunshine, ‘Joy Department’ is not all there is. Some experiences kick us in the face (or balls ) and leave us breathless. I am sure you got your own glance of that. It is how we handle it, right?
My short version of why I am so overwhelmed looks like this.
I live with auto- immune disorder since 14, I chose to handle it on my own, no doctors, thank you. I cannot eat what most people eat, I have to prepare almost each meal,  hunting my super foods, so I know what my body gets. I have learned to  have fun with it, don’t get me wrong here. Hey, i  make the best Raw Chocolate because of that. I get sick easily if I don’t follow my strict discipline. Taking care of my health is freaking full-time job. On top of that I had to “delete” all the bloody pictures of my child abuse, not even to mention the disturbing experience of an expensive, forced-to-extend surgery to fix my broken nose, so I could breathe…… I got a “welcome to human life” gift from childhood that sits on my face. I made it to the point where I just love it all, but don’t start me on the work behind it.  I was diagnosed with so many different disorders throughout my life that my head spins even trying to recall it. I work on myself relentlessly, I  keep finding new ways to self-heal again and again, navigating through the bullshit of this world: the ways of a cold-hearted system and the health wrecking stuff that is called our “food”… In between all that, I run around, pretending  to be normal, inspiring others how to be the best they can be and to find their own ways to navigate to  ‘Joy Department’.
A few years ago i had this shocking experience of having a person after me for the whole year, wanting to destroy me, because I refused to be what his mind wanted me to be. I think it is called obsession. Never ending death-threats and non-numan cruelty towards another human being is not something i would wish  even to Hitler himself. Oh, that was a tough one, surely it  was tougher than  my “tough cookie” wants to admit. May his Soul rest in peace, he took his life and I am no one to judge it.

I choose not to dwell on whether i created these experiences, consciously or unconsciously.

All I want to know, as a human being, is how I can learn to navigate through this overwhelming, ever-demanding experience called life. “Whoah, so much for one little girl” – I think to my lovely Self at times. Do I feel sorry for myself? Sometimes I do, but mostly, it is Compassion that I feel. Compassion for this weird thing called a Human Life. Perhaps that is why I have lots of it to offer to others.
So I looked for the ways to be and make it easier for myself. I took Self-Love classes, “Pull-Your-Gig-Together” courses, I had angelic healers, galactic doctors working on me. EFT, HLP, Kinesiology, Family Constellations, Shamanic Energy Work, you name it…. I had it. I was silent for 11 days and i had nothing but sun light for 21 days, it is called sunyoga, not to mention numerous detoxes and some super advanced lamps shining into my third eye. I meditate and do yoga for years to keep me sane and, guess what….. I still crumble. I am a Human. Fragile, sweet Human, just like all of us here.

I decided to look deeper into this subject. I took myself on an Honesty trip. I asked a serious question and i got a good answer. I saw the inner Truth of what I call “me”. My “tough cookie” Self got tired. I just want to feel loved and supported, that is all. I know, you feel it too. Not by one or two loyal friends, we want to feel loved by the world. We want to live in Harmony with  each other. I know one thing for sure, when we are giving and loving, when we are present to each other’s needs and life experiences, we need no therapies, no healing is needed. Just being loved is healing enough.
Just our loving support, kind understanding is enough to make people feel recharged and inspired again. Did you know that?
Living in the messed up world where authenticity and vulnerability are still not as accepted as rigidity and coldness sucks. It has to change…..  This is my decision for my life. I got over my pride and my independent ‘tough cookie’ attitude and i started asking people to be be kind to me.
When i see people pushing or forcing, or being insensitive and unaware around me, I take a deep breath, find the courage hiding somewhere in the unloved, neglected corner of myself, and I say “PLEASE, HANDLE ME WITH CARE. I AM FRAGILE. I AM A HUMAN. I am struggling, I am overwhelmed, I need all the love and all the support that I can get. If you cannot give it, I understand, but please don’t add to my overflowing cup.”
I am astonished at the results of this simple authenticity act. People are so much more Human than they are allowed to be.
I guess, they were right there “Ask and you shall receive”. I am glad I got over that damn pride. I thought i would share this in case it helps  you  to see what is it that you need. What kind of world do you want around you? What changes have you got to make? Remember, it all starts from the Self,

Truly yours,

ps.if you follow me here, please note that my blog is moving to yogaofchange.com next month

Love. Trust… or die.

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I have had enough of being afraid. Haven’ t you?
Enough of feeling small and powerless.
Enough of these imagined fears and false beliefs that are not even ours in a first place.
Enough of doubts and negative self-talks.
Enough of not living our precious glorious lives.
Enough of mind traps and self-supported limitations!
Enough of that useless stuff that does not serve our higher purpose.
Enough of being stuck in useless noise.

We get confused and sick, we get heart-broken and shattered, we get shocked by other people’s choices and we drop our jaws all the way down to the floor more and more often, listening to what is said or done around us. We wonder at times if what we see and hear is for real. We wonder if we all simply lost our minds and if we are imagining things. How very human, how very normal for the times of change we live in.

Your mind thinks like this, and my mind thinks differently. Our opinions will not necessarily match or our points of views will meet. We might experience the mental split, the ultimate illusion of separation.

Our bodies might never connect or get lost in that majestic dance where we intertwine as one, consumed by that glorious physical chemistry that leaves us all in awe. That might never happen……………

One thing for sure though – my ever beating Heart will always be able to tune onto your ever beating heart. You know pain, and I know pain. You had a portion of this trippy experience called “human life”, and so did I. Our hearts have the same stories to tell. Your heart beats just like mine.

Our hearts beat to the same cosmic tune. It is One for all, shared by all of us.
And I don’t mean just the ones who are nice and sweet to us, I mean ALL of US.
Those whom we love and those who challenge the day light out of us share the same heart beat with us. That is why the HEART is the only way.

Why are we so afraid to be in the Heart? Why are we trying to protect our scared little Self from this glorious WHAT IS called life?
We cannot outsmart our intelligent, beautifully real, beating-for-love, heart. It has a life and a mind on its own. It wants to love. It is all about love. It cares for nothing, but Love!

Love is the purpose, and HEART is where it takes place. Our beautifully confused minds and our glorious physical bodies have no “love muscle” on their own. Heart is the center of our Human machine.

Heart is like our ever-loving shining Sun that just keeps loving and giving its light, never asking who deserves it or not, who has been good or who has been a real pain-in-the-butt. It just loves us all and gives its light to all, with no expectation.
The heart is just like that, it knows no judgment, it has no logic. It only knows Love.
Thank God for that! At least one part of our Human machine has the cosmic intelligence. Isn’t that spectacular?! There is a part of a Human machine that knows the higher truth, the purpose of a Human Life. It knows even when the rest of us suffer from amnesia.

Just like you, I am a Human (well, for now). I get inspired, I get confused, I get heart-broken and I get scared at times. All this human stuff is so new and so not how I want it to be. I drop my jaw all the way down to the floor watching some stuff going on in this world and I have to practice all the secrets of yoga not to scream out loud or slap someone real hard to wake them up. I hear my mind’s chatter and my body talks. They all have something to say. So much noise in the world, no wonder we get confused.

I have learned that it is the heart that speaks of the stuff that matters. It speaks volumes and it does not listen to anyone but Truth herself. It insists on love no matter what is going on around. Each time I refuse to hear it out, I get disappointed; each time I let my mind win the argument between my heart and my mind, I die a little on the inside.

I watch my precious self and beautiful others around me getting stuck in the fear zone sometimes, pretty often in fact. It is a heroic experience to drag our scared little self back to life, back to the Light, when fear penetrates each cell of our humanness. It takes a lot of faith, courage and self-love to breathe life into our own life and turn to the heart.

I became very fond of the memories that my heart collects, no matter how painful they seem. I will take them with me when my time comes to move on to the world where none of this is real! And so will you, beloved. You will take only what matters, and your heart is in charge of that.

Our purpose of life is to find our own way to happiness, and there is no Happiness without Love in the heart.
Those who gave up on their heart get seriously shaken when they find themselves all alone, feeling empty, and look back, wondering where the heck life went. And guess who knows this, even when we forgot? Yeap, the Heart knows! It knows even when we choose not to hear it. The heart knows when the mind thinks we are not brave enough, or not free enough or not good enough. It knows at all times, even when we shut it down and refuse to listen to its callings.

We all had our hearts broken, and perhaps it is the reason why we get afraid.
We trust, we get involved, we disappoint each other and hurt each other, we disagree on stuff and we push each others buttons to the point of madness. We get divorced, we scream, we get angry, we leave, thinking: “Never again!” And sometimes we stick to it, and that is how we die while we are still living.

The thing is, in all of this messy and painfully exciting experience, we get to live, we get to feel… We download more life information and we become more alive. We learn. We grow. We expand.

We LIVE! Isn’t that what we are here for?

So, beloved friend, let’s find our heart. Let’s tune into our own heart beat and the beats of others. Let’s get out there and live from the heart, creating a New World full of people willing to live in the truth.

Let’s stop being afraid. Love. Trust. Dive into the unknown.
Let’s say “no” to fears. Let’s find the courage to listen to what is in the heart and let it lead the way. It knows what it is doing. It is OK to trust your heart.

And when we do get that beautiful heart of ours smashed into thousands of little pieces, we can cry and celebrate our ability to feel stuff. We can embrace it all. It is what it is. After that…… we can lovingly pick the pieces up, put them back together….. and start all over again.

Do not shut your heart down, ever, beloved. Do not let it be silent.
There is no life out here; there is nothing real in this world outside of the heart.
Let the story of your life be told by the one who knows – your heart!

Thank you for spending time with me here. Go and live. Love and trust, do not die while you are still living.

Love that cute, flawed, little thing called “me”!

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Here is the truth that we all know and just love (!) forgetting for some mysterious reason.

Not much is needed to read this piece, just brutal honesty and courage to look within, not without.
We are all good at this looking-without thing, it is not where we need to look, and we, smart little cookies know it!

This is the truth that has been hiding for too long under the layers of arrogance, self-worth issues, egos and fears:

When I do not love myself, this is how i feel:
– It does not really matter how much love and kindness I see from others…. I perceive this world as a dark place and I am one bitter human being. “Why the whole world is against me?”

– Nothing and no one is ever good enough.
“I want to be loved and they all keep failing at making me feel it. What is wrong with these people?”

- When I do not love myself… I give those around me a really hard time.
I punish them for not filling the emptiness inside me that no one can fill but me, my cute, flawed, little me, sooooooo hurt, and sooooo wounded that I am freaking blind, and i don’t even know it.

- The real truth is seen only through the eyes of Love, and I am nowhere near that place…. yet!
Maybe i should scream: ‘Please, world, or just someone….Love me as i am and i will change. I will be able to love too.’
Instead I tell them my truth, as I know it. I yell, i scream, i insult others, defending my right to be loved, and i show world how weak i actually am. I am hiding like a coward behind my anger and ‘smart-ass’ remarks. ” Oh! I better grow up! This is not fun!”

- When I do not love myself… I blame the whole world for all my misfortunes and troubles.
It upsets me to see all these happy people shining their Light with such confidence and grace. I wish i was like them, but i don’t know how. So…. I unconsciously drag them down, i say mean things and i am never happy for anyone. I make them feel small because it makes me feel bigger. “Ahhhhhh! I think i am better than that.”

I think we get the picture, right? Who is in charge, darling? Who is behind that cute, flawed, little thing called “me”?

Here is another side of the same truth… Same mirror… a different reflection!

<3 When I love myself and honor what lives through me….. I see beauty in everything around and I honor all those around me.

<3 Once i stop judging me, i stop judging others.

<3 When I found the courage to look inside and see where i need to work on my own s..t, i actually begin to accept my unique and extraordinary Self. I kind of begin to like this cute, flawed, little thing called “me”. “Ah! Hello there, can we be friends?!”

<3 When i manage to love myself, i can drop my story……and accept others for what they really are – masterpieces in progress, just like me!

<3 I see human value of everyone i meet, because I have discovered my own.

The connection is obvious, don’t you think? What we observe outside of us is what we have discovered on the inside of us. “As within, so without.”

What we see is what we are!

<3 When I love myself… I know the highest secret of life.
No one is here to make me feel loved, but me. It is all about me, it starts with me and it ends with me. When my time comes, it will be just me going where i will be going. There is no space here for unjust demands and expectations that so many of us have (unconsciously, of course). There is no space for negativity either. We know there is bad stuff floating around, it has its place in the world, no need to feed it!

Being a Human is a full time job.
Being a decent one is some work, i tell you!
We constantly dig within and we work on our stuff, relentlessly; we keep smiling and showing kindness and compassion to this confused, flawed little thing called “world”; and we always, ALWAYS start with that cute, little thing called "me"

Simply put.

When i can fall in love with that cute little thing called “me”…. I can easily fall in love with the rest of the world.
Same-same, but different, as we say In Thailand.
What i see in you is what i see in me! What I Love in You is what i Love in me! La-la-la. Chip-chip-chip!!!

Thank you for spending time with me here. I hope it made you smile and you get the point.


Anna Suvorova

What to do with Pain. A short guide for a Star!


“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” ~ Haruki Murakami

What do you think about pain?
Let me rephrase the question. How do you feel about pain?

You don’t like it, do you?
You think life would be so much better without it.
When I suffered from my version of cosmic amnesia, I also felt that way about pain.

That was until a big portion of the remedy called pain was given to me so i could change my uneducated darkness into Light.

Truth # 1. Pain is unavoidable.

It is painful to be a human. That is the way it is! We call ourselves ‘sensitive souls’ but in truth, we are just Human.

We look out of our precious little shells, called ‘Self’ that still remembers Light, Truth and Oneness… and we see all this chaos: suffering and non-justice, wars and bombings, kids mistreated, nations wiped out, our food and water poisoned, etc……. I could go on forever, but I will stop here. We know we live in a world that needs a lot of healing, we are not blind. No need to go on and on about it.

So, no wonder we freak out and rebel; we cause trouble and fight; we swear and curse; we try to prove our point, and not finding any kindness in response to our ‘justified angry reaction’…. we run to different substances to numb that unbearable inner screaming……. at least for a moment. Or we find Yoga an other ‘natural drugs’ to keep us sane.
Something inside hurts and weeps so much that our pain becomes the only thing that is real.
Been there? Yeah, me too. Isn’t great?

Truth # 2. Pain reminds us that we are alive!

It is some experience to be a cosmic Star learning how to be a Human, it is not for the faint-hearted.
It is not easy to wear this tiny but somehow heavy ‘humanness suit’ for someone who is light, free, unlimited and eternal.
“The suit is tight, for God’s sake.” – i screamed for years, looking up into the skies as if that was going to change it.

We are here to learn how to be a human, and we experience all that ‘comes with a package’. The ‘suit’ is included, so is the pain.

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding” ~ Khalil Gibran

There is no one on Earth who found the way to avoid pain.
You are not the only one who is feeling it, and my goodness, it feels good to know that I am not the only one either!

There are many who found the way how to deal with it though. They understood it, they have been wearing the same ‘suit’ and somehow they managed to be OK with it.
They are the ones who shine the brightest, who inspire the most. i choose to learn from them. Whom do you choose to learn from?

The sooner we understand that pain is nothing more than an invitation to grow up, a chance to learn and to expand…..the more time and space we will have for love and chocolate, you know, the fun stuff.

So, now that we got that one out of the way, the next question is -

How do we deal with it? What do we do? How do we stop this self-inflicted torture?

Here is a kind suggestion to all those who still fight their pain.
It is just an honest heart sharing from one star to another. I don’t claim to know more or have it worse than you. You have my human and cosmic compassion. I wish to inspire you with my own path.

I watched my cute little ‘Self’ rolling in blood, kicking and screaming, and numbing my Self unconscious for a long time. i did not handle it well, i admit. I want you to do better.
I am happy i did take my portion of it though.

Now, right this moment, I watch my ‘smiling little bundle of joy’ sitting here quietly, writing this article, sipping coffee and beaming out as if it was the Sun itSelf.

It is our human journey. The more we grasp the truth, the more light shines at our sweet little ‘Self’. So chase after the truth, beloved, grab it by the balls, learn all you can, re program your precious ‘Self’.
This is changing time.

After all, Light is nothing more, but an educated darkness.

Do you want to understand your pain?
Please, take a deep breath and open your mind a little wider, so the light of Truth can slip in there through another human being who believes in the power of knowledge, who believes in change.

Truth # 3. Pain is your friend.

“An emotion does not cause pain. Resistance or suppression of emotion causes pain.”― Frederick Dodson

That’s it, pain is our friend. As long as we fight it, resist it, numb it and try to avoid feeling it, we suffer. If we want to continue to suffer, we keep fighting, keep resisting, keep numbing.
We are smarter than that, right? Who wants to suffer more than it is necessary?

If you are done with that and now wish to experience your cutie little Self in a more joyful and productive way, then you are ready to befriend the pain.

If you did not find your own way dealing with pain yet, may i suggest this little exercise. It worked for many of us.

Pain Befriending Exercise:

-Close your eyes.

-Take a deep conscious breath.

-Identify your pain.

-See its shape and color. Feel it. Stay wit it.

-Breathe into it. Fill it with light, fill it with love.

-Embrace it! Make it a part of YOU!

Repeat all the steps a few times until you feel that you and your pain are friends. You and it are one!

Exhale and let go of your reaction to what IS!!! it is what it IS. You are here, you are stuck (in a good way) in your precious shell called “me”, and the world around you is just the way it knows how to be.
Everyone is doing all they can. Even if we kick and scream our sweet ‘Self’ to death, it is not going to make us feel better, so…. LET GO!

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE.” ~ mother Teresa


You have just rewired you Self. You dropped the old and stepped in to the new.
If you are a sensitive soul (which I am sure you are) be prepared during this exercise to see the colors, to hear the sounds, to sense the magic of your cosmic wisdom, your own Light that hides underneath all that suffering and pain.
You know who you are, you just forgot. We all get little ‘cosmic amnesia attacks’ sometimes.

You are a shining star that found the courage to come here and learn to be a Human. Isn’t that awesome? Isn’t that heroic?
Pain is nothing else but a sign that you are doing a f…ng great job out of your presence here, you are waking up to the Truth. You are expanding back to the Light, Truth and Oneness.
Celebrate your Self!
You are a STAR!

Thank you for spending time with me here. You know what to do now, right?
Shine and learn. SHINE and LEARN!

“How-to-move-through-shitty-times.” A short manual.

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There are times in life when we feel down, when we are not sure where we are heading any longer.

It seems like we have lost direction, the Light has stopped shining upon us, we feel trapped and confused.

We are down. We look around and see that everyone else is doing great, but us. “Why? What is wrong with me? “ Some of us are too shy and too embarrassed to ask for help, and so we dwell in the dark, cooking in our own ‘mind soup’, believing it all. “I really fucked it up this time.”

Everything seems to be falling apart and we feel like lost kids, left all alone, no guidance, no direction, and no manual on ‘How to go through shitty times’.
No one seems to understand what we are going through. No one knows, no one gets it, everyone is too busy dealing with their own stuff. And those who do find the time to listen to our crying heart pouring will not get it anyway as it is impossible to put in words how broken and how lost we feel.

Sounds familiar?
Yes? We are the members of the same club then, and that is a great thing.
I have been to that place so many times, that I stopped taking it seriously. It is like “Oh, another learning curve. I see! Let get straight to the point.” I guess I will go there as many times as needed for my stubborn rigid Self to finally get the lesson. I am the type that learns from own experiences. I look in the mirror at times and say “Not very bright, are You?” I am just making you smile, I do love my precious weird Self, I just like laughing at it too 

I am hoping that you are smarter than me and you will get it from someone else’s words rather than your experience. There is no need to suffer more than it is necessary. So next time when you feel down, you will remember that there was this funny piece written by this strange girl, the member of ‘Self-Re-Start’ club, and You will read through it and, hopefully feel better.

Let’s cover two important subjects here and approach them from the yogic point of view:

Why on Earth do we suffer so much?
What to do when we do?


“Disillusion is a painful process.”

Please understand that it is through our suffering, through our pain that we rise above our human little mindedness and our cute arrogant selves that are obsessed with self-importance and emotional comfort. We think we are the center of the world and we should be happy all the time. And if you think that, I agree with you 100%
If it was up to us, we would just have it super-duper-great-going all the time. I absolutely would! That would be refreshing and awesome, maybe one day (I still hope). We don’t want to suffer, we don’t want to feel pain in places inside that we did not know we had. We avoid suffering and pain so much that sometimes we avoid living all together. Is that a way to live a life?

Imagine, each morning some higher voice speaks to us all and says: “Who wants to suffer today, darlings? Raise your hand!” Hm. Let us think. No one!!!

Here is a good question to meditate on: How on Earth will we ever learn the meaning of life voluntarily? Let us be honest here – We are not that enlightened, no one will agree to suffering, Ok, maybe a few heroic ones….. if it is for some great cause, like “Suffer-and You-will-Save-the-world.” Perhaps we will find a few heroes.

Most of us? If we just could move through life with no troubles, no obstacles, no challenges, happy-go-lucky, eating crap (pardon my Russian!), not paying attention to what IS or other people’s needs or the state of the world around us. La-la-la. La-la. Why bother make any effort, why change, why pay attention, why learn? I am happy as I am! Right?

I doubt we would get anywhere with an attitude like that. So we must embrace those special times of learning when we are down. It might seem like a shitty time, BUT… In a bigger picture of life: It is a blessing in disguise, an open invitation to grow, to change, to become a better version of Yourself. Sooner or later you will see it for yourself, you just don’t see it now. And that is OK.

We are humans. The only way we learn is through suffering.
We wake up through it. We shed illusions. We get to see what is real and what is not. Someone once said “Disillusion is a painful process.” I could not agree more.
The sooner we embrace this, the better it is for us.

I tell you this: if I had not been so sick, that I could hardly move or breathe; if I had not been so broken and challenged, that I wanted to die; if I had not been so lost in the dark and despair that I thought it was the end of my life as I know it……….I would have never learned anything of real value in this life. I would have never got to see what I am made of.

It is those times that made me a believer in great stuff.
It is those times that turned my face towards the Light and Faith.
It is those times that made me compassionate and loving Human Being.
It is those times that made me meet and fall in love with the most important person in my life- Me!

So, why do we suffer?
Because we are being polished, like diamonds! You are a diamond in progress. You will get through this. One day you will look back at this stage of your life and you will smile at how exciting, how deeply meaningful your life journey is, how great that is that you are YOU….and just how awesome you are. YOU will love yourself, respect and value yourself. And we all know where that kind of vibe leads


Acceptance is the key to moving forward.

-Take a deep breath and tell yourself “It is OK to be where I am. I am alive. I am learning. I am in progress.”

-Accept Yourself as You are. Surrender to what IS. It is what it IS. Stop fighting it.

-Help Yourself to get out of your mind. Go to nature! Take a barefoot walk in the woods or on the beach.

-Call a dear friend who cares about you (I am sure you have those, if you have not, rather than beating yourself up for being such an ass, start making them now!) Share your heart as it is with someone you trust. Have courage to be honest. Be authentic. Ability to be authentic is the only way to experience perfection for a human being. If you dare to be authentic, you are perfect. Remember? You are a diamond in progress!

-Start doing something that makes you feel good about Yourself, at least one thing. If you lack motivation and feel like you have no energy left to fight for your Light any longer…. know this – one tiny change is all it takes to create a difference, to make a shift in how you feel right now. You are the only one who knows what that small thing is and where it is. Find it! Pull it out and press the Self-Re-Start button.

-Drink plenty of healthy liquids (not cold)! Good water, yogi tea or your favorite tea.

-Spend time with what you call “Me”. Listen. Learn. Let Yourself happen.

-Make an effort to make the best out of this special time. I know it sounds weird, but the truth is –
Things change all the time. We are all changing all the time. We are fluid; we are walking breathing clouds of liquid light. And this very moment, this day, this breath that we take right now will never be repeated…… they are not words. Once gone, they are gone forever. This part of your journey will be over soon, it will change and transform into another form, another experience. Be a wise cookie. Make the best out of it. Life is always right!

Much love from one member of the ’Self-Re-Start’ club to another. We are One!



Smoothies for beginners. Play and Learn!

Originally posted on Overcoming Obstacles:

P1090406 While working on my new site that is a sheer result of my increasing passion for serving and inspiring others, i wrote this to give as a gift to all those who want to start their own Journey of Change. Enjoy! Play and learn!
Thank you for your trust in what i do. I am delighted to share with you what worked for me on my personal healing journey. Having smoothies every day definitely made a huge difference in my life! I am fit, slender, and i am super healthy finally at 46, after years and years of being unwell and unhappy bunny.
Please remember that food is not the only way to create a change in your life. We must be aware of all the choices that we make, each day, each breath. They all matter!

I put this together for those of you who are just at…

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What is this ‘I Love U’ business?

Warning! Naughty language ahead!

Ah! So much has been said and written about it, so many words have failed miserably trying to express the meaning of this super awesome, mind-blowing, heart-and-eyes-opening, world-as-i-know-it-shattering, life-changing exquisite phenomenon.

Love is such a great feeling to experience, what is better than love? Ok maybe chocolate!

We all want love, some of us are too shy to admit it, and some of us are living in self-denial, thinking we are fine without love. Some of us want it so much that we cling to a tiny sparkle of it in any stranger that shows us a little compassion, or recognition. Some of us find love and try to cage it, to insure it, or to secure it.

We lie for it, we cheat for it, we change for it, we live for it, and we die for it. It is all about Love.

Love is the reason we are all here.
Did you know that? You might think it is something else, but it is the love for that ‘something else’ that is the reason. Are you with me so far?

For some of us, love is a connection we have with other people, for some of us it is our connection with everything that IS. In short, we all have our own understanding/limitations of love, depending on how mature/courageous/spiritually aware, or just how alive we actually are.

Love is what we decided it to be for us. So we better learn to express it well to one another to avoid any future dramas and misunderstandings.

I have heard and said so many ‘I love you’s in my life that I could have built a castle by now….. if each ‘I love you’ was a block.

Seriously, I do mean my ‘I love you’ when I say those words, and I am sure – so do you.

The question is – How come that we run out of ‘I love you’s often and start running from each other? Well, I do, anyway. I run so far away from some peoples “I love you” that I don’t know where on Earth I am when I finally stop running.

Let’s look deeper into this “I love you” business. Shall we?

I might own a pair of running shoes, but I also own my own s..t, as younger people say, and I can easily participate in a conversation which my wounded ego might not sincerely enjoy. I want to hear what is your experience of my “I love you”, and I am open to share mine of yours. If you can do it too, we can have great fun and actually enjoy our ‘I love U’s together.

I love many things. I love LIFE; I Love my friends who put up with my brutal honesty and obsessive desire to rock this world into a place of Harmony and Truth. I love what I do with my life. I love my wounded and stitched-back together Self. I love being a Human being (it is about time, I am almost 50, God damn it!) I love each day that brings me another chance to Love, to Live, to Breath.. I love to feel stuff, to Be what I call “me” whatever that might be today.

As one beautiful author wrote: “I just love, and You happen to be on the way!” So if you happen to cross my path, I will love you as I love everything and everyone else in my life. What you choose to do with it is your responsibility, and yours only. It is like this: someone comes to you and says: ”Here is a million dollars for you, angel. Do what you wish with it.”
You would not be blaming the person who gave it to you if you chose to blow it all off, right? We get to decide what to do with our love, our time, our lives; and we let others dance around it. We are all FREE!

I met many people who have a different translation of Love. They say “I love you” but what they really mean is “I want your body “or “I want to own you” or even worse – “I want to take your freedom from you”. Wow, that is a bit too much to ask of a Spirit, don’t you think? Assuming you see me as a Spirit and not stuck somewhere around my bra. I am just teasing you, you know what i mean.

Honeys, here is the thing: wanting to f..k the brains out of those whom we find sexy does not mean we love them. It means we are horny creatures and they happen to be on our way.

Similar, wanting to control or possess another person, depriving them of their freedom to be who they are….. is not love either. It is hard to control at times, I know. We are human: we love someone so much that we get lost in our desire to be with them all the time. Hey! Let’s pull our gig together, please! We are here to support each others Light, to see into each others Souls. Love is the greatest gift we can offer to one another. Love sets us free!

So, let’s be clear about what we mean by our “I love you” from the start and we all will be safer and know where we stand.

How many today’s “I love you” will be turning into something else tomorrow? How many “I love you”s have already turned into “I hate you because you did not let me own you”? I had a few episodes in my love life when people got seriously upset by my understanding of Love and absolute non willingness to be owned or controlled. I was threatened and hated because i dare to say my “I love U” and f…g mean it. I feel there is a lot of room to improve on our “I love U”s. Not for some of you, you guys are awesome!

What do we mean when we say “I Love you”? Let’s be clear.

Perhaps, when we are about to enter a new ‘love story’ we could exchange little clarity notes with each other, so we see if we are actually aligned in the ‘I Love U’ business.

Here is my clarity note. I send it out now with more courage than ever. I have been blessed to experience the love in my life, as i know it, as i understand it.

What do I mean when I say: I LOVE YOU?

When I look into your eyes…… I see a reflection of myself. I look and feel: This could be me. I feel compassion for the troubles you went through, I feel sadness for your pain, I feel joy for your success and I am proud of your strength. I am another version of You. You are another me.

When I say “I love you” I mean: I SEE YOU. I HONOR YOUR PATH. I respect your choices even of they are not aligned with mine.

When I say “I love you”, what I mean is – I deeply care about you, about your human journey, about your conscious path, about your Soul, about your Light.
I mean – I AM HERE TO SUPPORT YOUR LIGHT. I wish for you what I wish for me.
I honor this dance of You and Me!

When I say “I love you” I do not mean “I will fight your battles for you or expect you to fight mine for me.” I do not mean “I will agree with everything you say and do.” I do not mean “I will support the unconscious in you.”
I mean the opposite – I will challenge the darkness/the unconscious in you. I will catch you when you fall off your consciousness sit and i will confront you with it. I will gently (ok, maybe not always that gently:-) challenge you, I will inspire the best in You…..
What is more is that I will expect you to do the same for me. Confront me gently with what i missed to see. Show me where i can be better. Be my extra pair of eyes!

Love show us that we are parts of One. I care about what is called “You” as much as I care about what is called “Me”, and I expect you to care the same way too. Love between us is our chance to learn, to grow and to shine the Light into the world!

If my “I love you” is not your ‘cup of tea’, I respect that.
Then your “I LOVE U” business is not the kind of love that I choose. Please, respect that and keep loving me when I find my running shoes.

I have a burning desire to LIVE to my full potential,I am determined to feel ALIVE every breath and every blink of an eye. I want to laugh so much that my face hurts, i want to shine as bright as the sun! I know in my heart that true Love sets us FREE!

This is my kind of LOVE:

Love is the highest experience there is. It is this ludicrous vibration, this cosmic energy of Oneness, this ultimate power that pulls us out of our little cocoons and makes us see what IS. It rushes in, it shakes us up, it stirs our shit up, leaving us so shattered and bewildered, that we can hardly breathe.

It comes in as this magnificent force and challenges every cell of our existence. It penetrates us until we lose the sight of who we are. It makes our hearts beat in a different way; it breaks us open, and strips us naked of everything that used to be “ME”.

It shocks our little human minds until they circuit and cannot think any longer… so we stop thinking altogether, and just start FEELing stuff. We get more intelligent and soul-educated because of love.

It ruins every illusion we thought was real….. It takes us apart into zillion of particles, scattering them all over the place. Woushhhh!

It takes these little star-like pieces and places them into all those around us: those we love and all those who challenge us. It sprinkles those ex-me-pieces all over the world; it puts them in to trees and flowers, clouds and rocks…… rainbows and stars….. so many places.
And then, when we are all broken and open, humble and empty….. mind-less and heart-full…. then…. ONLY then…. it sets us free!

…… and that is my “I LOVE U” business”

Thank you for spending time with me here. Let’s go and love now!



Smoothies for beginners. Play and Learn!

P1090406 While working on my new site that is a sheer result of my increasing passion for serving and inspiring others, i wrote this to give as a gift to all those who want to start their own Journey of Change. Enjoy! Play and learn!
Thank you for your trust in what i do. I am delighted to share with you what worked for me on my personal healing journey. Having smoothies every day definitely made a huge difference in my life! I am fit, slender, and i am super healthy finally at 46, after years and years of being unwell and unhappy bunny.
Please remember that food is not the only way to create a change in your life. We must be aware of all the choices that we make, each day, each breath. They all matter!

I put this together for those of you who are just at the beginning of their health awareness journey and those who look for new ways to make their life/health/choices better-working for them.

Please, be aware that we are all very unique. What works for others might not be working for us. We must learn to trust the wisdom of our own body and listen to it. As i wrote in my book “Body knows even when the mind forgets.” (“Chocolate Revolution” is coming out this year)

Remember to DETOX and adopt some kind of physical activity in order to shift faster and tune into the wisdom of your own temple, called ‘body’. Your body will tell you stuff no one out there knows about you!
My blessings to your path!

#SMOOTHIES are great way to enjoy our own creativity and practice our knowledge. They can vary. In my world there are 3 kinds of smoothies:
1 Fun Smoothies (to enjoy).
2 Super Food Smoothies (to nurture).
3 Green Smoothies (to cleanse and rejuvenate)

1-Fun Smoothies are great for the whole family. They are easy to make and are very inspiring. They show us that food can taste great and be good for us.

Basic principles of Fun Smoothies (FS):

-Fruit base (banana/mango/pineapple)
-Healthy Liquid (nut milk/coconut water or milk/just good water is good enough if nothing else is available)
-Flavors. Berries (frozen or fresh/raw cacao powder/natural vanilla powder (black expensive stuff!)
so ….. now you can make your own basic Fun Smoothie. Have fun!

My personal favorites: Banana/Almond Milk/Frozen blueberries and

Tip: if you add less liquid and freeze your fruit base before you use it, you will make the best, healthiest ice cream you ever had.
Banana-Almond-Chocolate ice cream anyone?

2-Super Food Smoothies (SFS) are so much fun. They make the best breakfast in the world if you want to feel awesome. Why? Because you feed your cells with high vibrational food substances that speak directly to your DNA reminding you how you were meant to feel….. How were you meant to feel? The answer is AWESOME!!!

Basic principles of SFS:
-Same principles as FS, but instead of flavors we add our super foods.
-Here is basic list of these highly vibrational nutrition ‘bombs’ called SUPER FOODS.

Please explore this subject on your own and get excited about this kind of knowledge. As Bruce Lipton, the author of the “Biology Of Belief” said, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! Get your Power and take control over how you feel/look/experience yourself! Change Your Choices.. and You will change your life!


-Use whatever you have today in your kitchen.
My personal favorites vary from day to day: Bananas/Coconut water/RAW CACAO/MACA/CHIA SEEDS/ GOJI BERRIES……. and
Mango/Almond milk/MUCUNA/FLAX and HEMP seeds/INCA BERRIES.

Tip: please be aware of the mixture that you create. Some of us have a very sensitive digestive system and it is hard to digest stuff when we mix too much. Food combining principles and our own digestive fire should be always taken into consideration while creating our SFS.
Play, mix and learn!

3-Green Smoothies (GS) are my favorite way to make myself feel spectacular. They detox our system, the make us look and feel younger… They are magical and seriously underestimated by many!
Victoria Boutenko is my inspiration for greens and their role in our health. To get inspired by this special lady, please go to greensmoothierevolution.com for more inspiration.

Basic Principles for making GS:
-Fruit base. (for beginners only)… If your palate is ready for it, skip this step. Fruits (Bananas or Pineapples) make the GS more palatable and easier to like. Most of us are so used to sweet taste, that we find it hard to consume just green. We need our food to taste good, and that is OK. Please be patient with yourself.
Your taste bud will change as you get healthier. I use pineapple often in my GS when I am not in the mood for the medicinal taste of my greens:-)

- Super Healthy liquid – Freshly pressed vegetable juice or a good alive water. (I like spinned water)
– Healthy Greens: Kale/Spinach/Parsley/Sunflower sprouts/Bok Choi/ Mint/anything leafy green that you fancy.
-Spices; fresh ginger, black pepper/cayenne pepper, garlic, Himalayan salt.

My personal favorites are: Cucumber juice based Mint/Kale/Lime/Black Pepper/Himalayan salt (basically a yummy green salad that has been liquidized) and
Water based
Tip: Watch the way you feel after certain combinations. Be sensitive. Be alive. GET tuned into your own truth that works for you!

GS is a Perfect afternoon boost and beautifier! You will learn it soon ENOUGH TO GET AS HOOKED AS I AM.

Have fun! Be the best you can be! Play and learn!

Shared with love and wishes of abundant health and Harmony for all.

Change Your choices and You will change Your life…….. Change Your life…. and You will change this world!
truly yours,


Is it SPIRITUAL to eat meat? Let’s GET REAL!


Ok. Let’s ask a few more questions.

What is “Spiritual” for you?
Whom are we referring to when asking such a question?
You? Me? That person over there?
What is meat? Where does it come from?
And who am I to address such an issue and feel confident enough to write about it?

We all know (consciously or unconsciously) that EVERYTHING in this world is a vibration, everything is energy, and everything has its own rhythm, its own pulse. Our body, our thoughts, our food, our activities, what we do, what we say, it is all a vibration. Basically we are walking, breathing clouds of light vibrating and pulsating at certain frequency at all times. That frequency changes: we get out of balance – it drops (WTF is wrong with me?); we are in harmony with what is – we run on high (Yeahhhhhh! Life is good!).

You know, no matter how different we might think we all are, in our deepest core, in our essence, we are all the same: we want to be healthy/happy/ abundant/in love with life. We have the same pulse, same red blood running through our veins and we share the same sacred cosmic pulse – our heart beat. It is VIBRATION.
This vibration is the language that we use when we have our communication with the Source/ Divine/ God, (once again consciously or unconsciously).

This vibration is the KEY to our understanding of what we want to know.
Even though we all aim for the same goal…. we have different paths to walk and different tools to use. We must learn to respect it.

Are you with me so far? What is ‘Spiritual’ for you? Your diet? Your choices? Your connectedness to the higher Source? Your vibration?

Get Real point 1.
You are a Spiritual being, learning how to be a human. We all are. I hope you are doing all you can to have as much fun with this learning process as I do.

Get real point 2.
Being Spiritual has nothing to do with what we eat. Food is a tool of learning, just like everything else. Our being SPIRITUAL has a lot to do with the choices that we make on our human journey and our connectedness to the Source /Divine/God.
Let me expand.
Some of us choose eating raw food. (It became a bit of trend)

Some of us love food so much that we just eat what we want without ever thinking about it. “That ice-cream tastes so good, who cares it is a ‘chemical bomb?”

Some of us are fanatics of super foods and cannot start the day without spirulina and other high vibrational food substances.

Some of us are vegans and feel very strongly about not ever ingesting ‘corpses’.
We believe in thriving on what Mother Nature has provided to us without contributing to already existing violence in this world.

Some of us courageously fight Monsanto and demand our rights to know where our so called food is coming from.

Some of us choose to quietly grow our own food, so we eat and drink whatever we grow with our love, whether it is a bunch of apples/greens from the garden, or fish from our lakes or animals from our field. We make our own wine from the grapes of our vineyards and we don’t give a damn about what others think. “It is LOVE that we eat and drink. We grew it with love and we receive it with love.”

Coming back to what where we started. If ‘everything is energy, everything has its own vibration’ then how do we view what we call meat?

Get real point 3.
Eating meat that has been brutally produced by our Food Industry has one kind of vibration. If you want to know what vibration I am referring to, please find a film called “Earthlings” and take a deep breath before embarking upon a great self-educational journey. May you feel the vibration of that energy and may you be changed by it forever.

Get real point 4.
Eating a clean chicken soup made by my grandma (or yours!) who lives in a little Ukrainian organic village is a different story. Why? She lives in Harmony with-and-off the Earth. Everything she loves, becomes love.
I will never forget the way those wise sky blue eyes looked at me when I was 7, rebelling and screaming at her for making the soup out of my little friend – baby chicken that I played with. Drying my tears, she said: “My angel. Everything works in harmony. Everything is an exchange of love. Everything wants to be of service. Your friend (baby chicken) was loved by you and me and he is happy to give you his love back. Receive it with gratitude and get well.”

It took me many years and many personal wars with my spiritual insights that I have so skillfully imposed upon myself before I actually got this profound wisdom of my magical yogi-like grandma.

The strongest influence on my being ‘spiritual’ and food connection came from the yogis or agori babas, as they are called. They live in the cemetery, wear nothing but ashes and eat with gratitude whatever appears in front of them. ‘It is sent by the Source/Divine/God. I have learned from them that
“Everything is a blessing. Everything is God.”

Some of us choose to live in Harmony with what IS, choose to accept other people’s journeys and honor the uniqueness of our sacred paths.

There is a point in our human growth and expanding awareness when it really does not matter what is appearing in front of us as food. What matters at this point is how we feel about it and what frequency we are operating on. How do we see it? Are we honoring what lives through us? Are we listening to our body or our spiritual egos telling us how we should be.

Who am I to say this? I am just like you, searching and looking for the answers that work for me.

I have been blessed to be born with a compromised immune system and to be unwell most of my life. It made me busy finding my own way to health and harmony. I have tried every diet there is, hoping each time it would be the answer. My sickness lead me to find all these magical tools of consciousness that are available to all of us. I came to see that awareness of food is only a beginning of our waking up to what is Real. I am a grateful, curious human being searching for the truth, my truth.

I believe in self- healing abilities of a human body. I believe in the power of the Source/Divine/God that is within all of us. We can heal ourselves by understanding what lives through us and honoring our paths. I believe in being unique and courageous, powerful and extraordinary. I believe in our right to find out what works for us and encouraging others to do the same. I am about to release a book on conscious eating, called “Chocolate Revolution” where i share the most precious discoveries i made on my own healing journey.

So, is it spiritual for you to eat meat?

You decide, beloved.
Know yourself and what works for you and that magical vehicle of yours, called body. Treat it with a healthy curiosity and respect. Choose conscious eating over any diet that seems to be fashionable or worked for someone else. Honor what lives through you and accept it with gratitude, so you can do it for others. Be conscious of your choices. Be aware what vibration you welcome into your space each time you make a choice. That is how we create harmony.

In the end of the day, it is Conscious Living as a Conscious Being that makes a difference to who we are .

It is not what we do with our body….. it is what we do with our mind and our heart…. that makes a difference to who we are and to the world we live in!

with much love and gratitude for spending time with me here,

The Asana of Love. How to work your Love ‘muscle’.


…… It is time to Love, to pay attention to everything around you, to read the book of Life as it has been written for all, it mentions all of us.

There is something written by Cosmos about You. Would you not want to know what it is?

If you are practicing yoga and know how to stand on your head and how to do all the bandhas and those gorgeous asanas, and still wonder why you are not feeling fulfilled and deeply satisfied…. perhaps it is time to take your practice to another level and learn the most graceful asana of all – the Asana of Love!

It is not the love that we know of, not the romantic love between two individuals who are lost in adoration of each other (that is awesome, really!), it is not even the love between a parent and a child. Neither it is the love that ends in the family. It is a bigger, vaster kind of love.
It is the Love that feels like this………..
“Did you remember at certain point that you and the person right next to you, and that guy that really pissed you off at the traffic lights, and that lady who smiled at you kindly, all the people you love and all those who challenge you are actually your sisters and brothers?

Did you have that strange feeling right in your chest (it is very overwhelming) when your Human Mind sees disasters and chaos, lack and imperfection, but your Cosmic heart feels harmony with all around you?

Did you ever feel while judging another, that you are actually judging yourself? As you are simply looking in the mirror.
Did you ever feel while fighting with another human fellow that what you want is the same thing they want – to be Loved, to be seen, to be recognized, acknowledged and accepted by others??
Did you ever have the tears of compassion rolling down your face? Because you just felt that we are all in the same ‘boat’ here – co creating our suffering, our pain, our personal disasters and sickness just for one reason only – to learn to Love……. To open ourselves to the true meaning of our existence; to become One, to reunite once again; to return to Innocence; to evolve back to the Truth; to translate ourselves into Light.

Did you ever feel that We are fingers of the same hand, drops of the same ocean, stars of the same sky!? No? Then you have a lot to learn about Love.”

We are talking this kind of LOVE. Love that is knowing, Love that is truth, the only truth worth searching for…..
if you want to feel it one fine day, here is a little tip on how to work your “love muscle”.


(These very simple techniques are given only as a suggestion for you to tap into your own vibration of love and to learn where you are in this magical energetic World. Please be kind to yourself, if you find these simple exercises hard to do.
The love muscle is just like any other muscle that you have, it needs time and practice. The rewards are the most astonishing changes in your daily experiences of life, like feeling profoundly loved and blissfully high… if you are happy to be where you are and feel you have nothing to change, feel free to skip the exercises).

- Today when you walk into a room, or find yourself anywhere, take a deep breath and just remember – The Only Reason why any Person enters your space is to feel loved by you.(Oh, you don’t have to jump on them and cover them with sloppy kisses:-)
Be kind and sensitive to them. Show them that you care!

– Imagine they are your favorite brother/sister. Imagine they saved your life or did something so kind and powerful that affected your path profoundly. They might have been, you just don’t remember.

- Be Present, Be attentive, be authentic. They need your Love to move on in their life, to feel better about this world, to take another step in their growth and you can contribute to that just by being aware of it, it is that simple.

It is a very easy thing to practice, start with a few people a day and then slowly grow from there; you will be surprised at the amount of fun and joy you will create around you.

This attitude lead me to have such awesome experiences with total strangers – on the airplane (not what your sweet-arrogant-you is thinking), in restaurants, on my trips to foreign countries.
People respond with such grace to feeling Loved, they open up and give you their best, they share their secrets and experiences, they unite with you on this deep invisible energetic level.

As a result you feel Loved too, the heart connection has been made, the Love vibration got activated, the mercaba body got to spin faster, creating more light in this world.

You have contributed to the most important event that takes place on our planet right now.
You have just fulfilled another part of your self – you have translated your human energy into the cosmic Light.
You are an alchemist; you are here to change the world.
Do it with Love!

(from the book “The Unloved Tribe.” bu truly yours,